Title:  Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 99, October 18, 1890

Author:  Various

Release Date:  May 20, 2004 [EBook #12395]

Language:  English

Character set encoding:  ASCII

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PUNCH,

Or the London charivari.

Vol. 99.

October 18, 1890.

HOW IT’S DONE.

A HANDBOOK TO HONESTY.

No. 11.—­The Straight “Tip.”

Scene—­Sanctum of “Large Wholesale House.”  Present, one of the Principals, a pompous personage, with imposing watch-chain, and abundant space for it to meander over, and a sleekly subservient “Head of Department.”  Principal looks irritated, Head of Department apprehensive, the former angrily shuffling some papers, the latter nervously “washing his hands with invisible soap, in imperceptible water.”

Principal.  Well, Mr.—­er—­er—­scroop, we—­er—­my partners and self, are not quite satisfied with the way in which things are going in—­er—­in your department.

Head of Department.  Indeed, Sir.  Sorry to hear that, Sir.  May I ask, Sir, in—­er—­in what particular I have—­er—­failed to give complete satisfaction. (Aside.) On the screw again, the old skinflint—­I know him.

[Illustration]

Principal. Well, in point of fact, the profits on your branch have lately been very—­have seemed—­er—­have been by no means—­what we could wish, Mr. Scroop, what we could wish, Sir.

H. of D. Really, Sir, I—­ah, am grieved to hear it, for, upon my word, I hardly know—­

Principal (abruptly).  There must be cutting down somewhere—­I say somewhere, Mr. SCROOP—­where, I must leave to you.  By the way, it seems to me that PUDDICOMBE’s prices are a bit high for a beginner in the trade as he is.  I think his “lines” ought to run a little lower—­eh?

H. of D. Well, Sir, I’ve suggested it to him myself, but he protested there was hardly a margin left.  However, since you name it, Sir, I’ll see what I can do with him. (Aside.) Ruthless old grinder, that’s his game, is it?  Wants a few “extra” pounds to play with, and means squeezing them out of PUDDICOMBE.  Poor PUDDICOMBE, I’ve already put the screw on him pretty tightly.  However, I must give it another turn, I suppose.

    SCENE II.—­Head of Department and PUDDICOMBE, a
    hard-working, struggling manufacturer, who has schemed and
    screwed for years to keep in with the Big House.