[Illustration]

Med.  Off. Well, yes, Sir, I suppose I may claim that title.  I am an Army Surgeon, and in that capacity have not only to risk my life equally with my comrades in the field, but have to brave the additional danger inseparable from the fever-wards of a hospital.  As a matter of fact many of my colleagues have earned the V.C., and not a few taken command when their aid was needed.  I hope you have not forgotten ANTHONY HOME WYLIE and MACKINNON.

The Com. Certainly not—­they are gallant fellows.  Well, I am sorry to see you here, Doctor—­what can I do for you?

Med.  Off. I would ask your good services, Sir, to get us greater recognition in the Army.  Pray understand we do not wish to be called Captain, Major, or Colonel, merely to “peacock” before civilians, but because, without official recognition of our true status, we are treated as inferior beings by the youngest subaltern in any battalion to which we may be attached.

The Com. Surely, Doctor, the title you have secured by scientific attainments, takes precedence of all others more easily obtained?

Med.  Off. Possibly, in a College common-room, but not at a mess-table of a depot centre.  That I express the general opinion of members of my profession is proved by the fact that it is shared by Sir ANDREW CLARK, the President of the Royal College of Physicians.

The Com. Well, what would you propose?

Med.  Off. That we should be put on the same footing so far as rank is concerned, with officers in the Commissariat and other non-actively-combatant branches of the Army.  We are merely fighting the fight fought years ago by another scientific corps, the Royal Engineers.

The Com. But surely, Doctor, the officers you have mentioned know something of their drill?

Med.  Off. If that is the difficulty, let us make ourselves equally proficient.  The more we are in touch with the so-called combatant officers the better.

The Com. Well, certainly, if you are good drills (and have some knowledge of the internal economy of a regiment, and the rudiments of military law) I cannot see why you should not enjoy the rank to which you aspire.  I wish you every success in your application.  After all, you are masters of the situation.  If your superior officers are unreasonable—­physic them!

    [The Witness after returning thanks, then withdrew.

* * * * *

MR. PUNCH’S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES.

AT A COUNTRY HOUSE.

“So glad you have a fine day for your garden-party.  Was quite anxious about the weather;” i.e., “Hoped sincerely it would rain hard—­hate garden-parties—­can’t think why I’m here.”

“How good of you to undertake such a long drive!” i.e., “hoped it would choke her off.”