have brought himself to say to him—“There
is loveliness yet left, and within thy reach:
take the good, etc.; forget the nothing that has
been, in the something that may yet for awhile avoid
being nothing too; comfort thy heart with a fresh
love: the time will come to forget both, in the
everlasting tomb of the ancient darkness”?
Few men would consent to be comforted in accordance
with their professed theories of life; and more than
most would Faber, at this period of his suffering,
have scorned such truth for comfort. As it was,
men gave him a squeeze of the hand, and women a tearful
look; but from their sympathy he derived no faintest
pleasure, for he knew he deserved nothing that came
from heart of tenderness. Not that he had begun
to condemn himself for his hardness to the woman who,
whatever her fault, yet honored him by confessing it,
or to bemoan her hard fate to whom a man had not been
a hiding-place from the wind, a covert from the tempest
of life, a shadow-shelter from the scorching of her
own sin. As he recovered from the double shock,
and, his strength slowly returning, his work increased,
bringing him again into the run of common life, his
sense of desolation increased. As his head ached
less, his heart ached the more, nor did the help he
ministered to his fellows any longer return in comfort
to himself. Hitherto his regard of annihilation
had been as of something so distant, that its approach
was relatively by degrees infinitesimal, but as the
days went on, he began to derive a gray consolation
from the thought that he must at length cease to exist.
He would not hasten the end; he would be brave, and
see the play out. Only it was all so dull!
If a woman looked kindly at him, if for a moment it
gave him pleasure, the next it was as an arrow in
his heart. What a white splendor was vanished
from his life! Where were those great liquid orbs
of radiating darkness?—where was that smile
with its flash of whiteness?—that form
so lithe, yet so stately, so perfect in modulation?—where
were those hands and feet that spoke without words,
and took their own way with his heart?—those
arms—? His being shook to its center.
One word of tenderness and forgiveness, and all would
have been his own still!—But on what terms?—Of
dishonor and falsehood, he said, and grew hard again.
He was sorry for Juliet, but she and not he was to
blame. She had ruined his life, as well as lost
her own, and his was the harder case, for he had to
live on, and she had taken with her all the good the
earth had for him. She had been the sole object
of his worship; he had acknowledged no other divinity;
she was the loveliness of all things; but she had
dropped from her pedestal, and gone down in the sea
that flows waveless and windless and silent around
the worlds. Alas for life! But he would
bear on till its winter came. The years would
be as tedious as hell; but nothing that ends can be
other than brief. Not willingly even yet would
he fail of what work was his. The world was bad
enough; he would not leave it worse than he had found
it. He would work life out, that he might die
in peace. Fame truly there was none for him, but
his work would not be lost. The wretched race
of men would suffer a little the less that he had
lived. Poor comfort, if more of health but ministered
to the potency of such anguish as now burrowed in him
like a mole of fire!