He wuz kinder mean too, runnin’ after wimmen at that time, though onbeknown to Jane Olive or his folks, but it come out afterwards, he wuz awful sly.  When he married Jane Olive Gowdey that wuz a surprise too, for Bill, the oldest boy, wanted her the worst way and everybody spozed they wuz engaged.  A good creeter Bill wuz, virtuous as Joseph, or any of the old Bible Patriarchs, and virtuouser than lots of ’em.

But Sam, in jest that way of hisen, laid low and sort o’ did the best he could with what he had to do with, sort o’ speculated and increased her likin’ for him on the sly (mean fellers will git ahead of good ones five times out of ten, wimmen are so queer).  And lo and behold! the first Jonesville knew they up and got married.

They moved to a big city where Sam got a chance to travel for a grocery store, and Jane Olive opened a inteligence office, where for an ample consideration she furnished incompetent help to distracted housekeepers, receivin’ pay from both victims, and they laid up money fast.  Then he went into pork and first we knew Sam wuz a very rich man, lived in great style, kep’ his carriage, but wuz awful mean, so we heard, hadn’t no morals at all to speak on so fur as wimmen wuz concerned, and we had hearn that Jane Olive not bein’ over and above happy in marriage, and forgittin’ to all appearance she had ever dickered with mistress and maid, wuz tryin’ her best to work her way in among the aristockracy, she wuz dretful ambitious and so wuz Sam, they wanted to go with the first.

She did everything she could to foller their example, she dressed up in satin and diamonds and trailed ’round to theatres and operas and hung over dry goods counters, and kep’ her maid and coachman and butler, or that’s what folks say, I don’t even know what a butler is expected to do, or Josiah don’t.  “Butler,” sez I when I hearn on’t, “I can’t imagine what a butler duz.”

And Josiah sez, “A coachman is to coach, and a waiter is to wait, and a butler must be to buttle.”

Sez I, “Buttle what?  Or who?  Or when?” But he couldn’t tell.  Well, Sam he did everything to git into the first and be fashionable, he embezzled a lot, broke down two or three times with enormous profit to himself, spent his money like water, wuz jest as mean as he could be, went over to Europe now and then, did everything he could do to be fashionable and act like a man of the world, and finally he led astray a little girl that lived with ’em, a motherless little girl they had took, pretty as a pink too, and affectionate dispositioned.  Jane Olive turned her outdoors, of course, when she found it out.  It wuz in the fall of the year, and the night before Christmas the girl with her baby in her arms jumped into the river and wuz drownded.

Her father had some spunk and took Sam up, but he wuz always sly and looked ahead, and he proved that she wuz a day or two older than the age of consent, and he got let off triumphant and her father had to pay the cost, besides the funeral expenses, and grave stun.