Oh, certainly, the President was quite right.  She is very uncultivated.  That ever I was born to cultivate her—­or her precious offspring!  But was I?  Time must show.

[Illustration:  SARTORIAL EUPHUISMS.

“MEASUREMENTS ABOUT THE SAME AS THEY USED TO BE, SNIPPE?”

“YES, SIR.  CHEST A TRIFLE LOWER DOWN, SIR, THAT’S ALL!”]

* * * * *

AN ARGUMENTUM AD POCKETUM.

[The Rev. B. MEREDYTH-KITSON called the attention of the London School Board to the action of Mr. MONTAGU WILLIAMS, who, being appealed to by “a respectable-looking woman” for the remission of a fine of five shillings imposed upon her husband for neglecting to send their children to school, gave her five shillings out of the poor-box to pay it, on finding that she had nine children, the eldest fifteen years, the youngest five months, a husband out of work, and “no boots for her children to go to school in.”  The Rev. STEWART HEADLAM said that in East London they suffered a good deal through the decisions of Mr. MONTAGU WILLIAMS, who constantly paid the fines from the poor-box, or out of his own pocket!]

  Oh, MONTAGU, this conduct is nefarious!
    You are, indeed, a pretty Magistrate! 
  Better the judgments, generous, if precarious,
    Of the old Cadi at an Eastern gate. 
  No wonder that you madden MEREDTTH-KITSON,
    And stir the bitter bile of STEWART HEADLAM. 
  When Justice, School-Board ruling simply “sits on,”
    School-Boards become a mere annexe of—­Bedlam! 
  Nine children!  Husband out of work!  No boots! 
    And do you really think that these are reasons
  For fine-remission?  This strikes at the roots
    Of Law, which ought to rule us at all seasons. 
  Oh, how shall KITSON educate the “kids,”
    Or how shall HEADLAM discipline the mothers,
  If you, instead of doing what Law bids,
    Pay the poor creatures’ fines and raise up bothers? 
  Law, Sir, is Law, even to Magistrates,
    Not a mere chopping-block for maudlin charity. 
  Fining the impecunious doubtless grates
    On feelings such as yours; there’s some disparity
  ’Twixt School-Board Draconism, and regard
    For parents penniless, and children bootless;
  But pedagogues—­ask HEADLAM—­must be hard,
    Or pedagogy’s purposes are fruitless. 
  Poor creatures?  Humph!  Compassion’s mighty fine;
    A gentle feeling, who would wish to shock it? 
  But husbands out of work with children nine,
    Should pay their fines themselves—­not from your pocket.

* * * * *

KEPT IN TOWN.-A LAMENT.

[Illustration]