me.
All is unkind, and, alas, I am ready for any one’s kindness.
Oh, I knew it of old, and knew it, I thought, to perfection,
If there is any one thing in the world to preclude all kindness,
It is the need of it,—it is this sad self-defeating dependence.
Why is this, Eustace? Myself, were I stronger, I think I could tell
you.
But it is odd when it comes. So plumb I the deeps of depression,
Daily in deeper, and find no support, no will, no purpose.
All my old strengths are gone. And yet I shall have to do something.
Ah, the key of our life, that passes all wards, opens all locks,
Is not I will, but I must. I must,—I must,—and I do
it.
XI—CLAUDE TO EUSTACE.
At the last moment I have your letter,
for which I was waiting.
I have taken my place, and see no good
in inquiries.
Do nothing more, good Eustace, I pray
you. It only will vex me.
Take no measures. Indeed, should
we meet, I could not be certain;
All might be changed, you know. Or
perhaps there was nothing to be
changed.
It is a curious history, this; and yet
I foresaw it;
I could have told it before. The
Fates, it is clear, are against us;
For it is certain enough that I met with
the people you mention;
They were at Florence the day I returned
there, and spoke to me even;
Staid a week, saw me often; departed,
and whither I know not.
Great is Fate, and is best. I believe
in Providence, partly.
What is ordained is right, and all that
happens is ordered.
Ah, no, that isn’t it. But
yet I retain my conclusion:
I will go where I am led, and will not
dictate to the chances.
Do nothing more, I beg. If you love
me, forbear interfering.
XII.—CLAUDE TO EUSTACE.
Shall we come out of it all, some day,
as one does from a tunnel?
Will it be all at once, without our doing
or asking,
We shall behold clear day, the trees and
meadows about us,
And the faces of friends, and the eyes
we loved looking at us?
Who knows? Who can say? It will
not do to suppose it.
XIII.—CLAUDE TO EUSTACE,—from Rome.
Rome will not suit me, Eustace; the priests
and soldiers possess it;
Priests and soldiers;—and,
ah! which is worst, the priest or the
soldier?
Politics farewell, however! For what
could I do? with inquiring,
Talking, collating the journals, go fever
my brain about things o’er
Which I can have no control. No,
happen whatever may happen,
Time, I suppose, will subsist; the earth
will revolve on its axis;
People will travel; the stranger will
wander as now in the city;
Rome will be here, and the Pope the custode
of Vatican marbles.
I have no heart, however,
for any marble or fresco;