Lesdites Societes publient des feuilletons de tems en tems.  On les trouve abandonnes a sa porte, nus comme des enfans nouveau-nes, faute de membrane cutanee, ou meme papyracee.  Si on aime la botanique, on y trouve une memoire sur les coquilles; si on fait des etudes zooelogiques, on trouve un grand tas de q[square root]-1, ce qui doit etre infiniment plus commode que les encyclopedies.  Ainsi il est clair comme la metaphysique qu’on doit devenir membre d’une Societe telle que nous decrivons.

  Recette pour le Depilatoire Physiophilosophique. 
    Chaux vive lb. ss.  Eau bouillante Oj. 
        Depilez avec.  Polissez ensuite.

——­I told the boy that his translation into French was creditable to him; and some of the company wishing to hear what there was in the piece that made me smile, I turned it into English for them, as well as I could, on the spot.

The landlady’s daughter seemed to be much amused by the idea that, a depilatory could take the place of literary and scientific accomplishments; she wanted me to print the piece, so that she might send a copy of it to her cousin in Mizzourah; she didn’t think he’d have to do anything to the outside of his head to get into any of the societies; he had to wear a wig once, when he played a part in a tabullo.

No,—­said I,—­I shouldn’t think of printing that in English.  I’ll tell you why.  As soon as you get a few thousand people together in a town, there is somebody that every sharp thing you say is sure to hit.  What if a thing was written in Paris or in Pekin?—­that makes no difference.  Everybody in those cities, or almost everybody, has his counterpart here, and in all large places.—­You never studied averages, as I have had occasion to.

I’ll tell you how I came to know so much about averages.  There was one season when I was lecturing, commonly, five evenings in the week, through most of the lecturing period.  I soon found, as most speakers do, that it was pleasanter to work one lecture than to keep several in hand.

——­Don’t you get sick to death of one lecture?—­said the landlady’s daughter,—­who had a new dress on that day, and was in spirits for conversation.

I was going to talk about averages,—­I said,—­but I have no objection to telling you about lectures, to begin with.

A new lecture always has a certain excitement connected with its delivery.  One thinks well of it, as of most things fresh from his mind.  After a few deliveries of it, one gets tired and then disgusted with its repetition.  Go on delivering it, and the disgust passes off, until, after one has repeated it a hundred or a hundred and fifty times, he rather enjoys the hundred and first or hundred and fifty-first time, before a new audience.  But this is on one condition,—­that he never lays the lecture down and lets it cool.  If he does, there comes on a loathing for it which is intense, so that the sight of the old battered manuscript is as bad as sea-sickness.