“I too was young once, trusted in
my star,
Had faith in men; but all the glamour
of youth
Vanished too soon—and, piercing
to the truth,
I found some evil each fair show to mar.
No thing I saw so high and free from blame
But worms were at its heart; each noble
deed
Revealed self-seeking as its primal seed.
Love, honor, virtue—each was
but a name!
Naught marked us off, vile creatures of
the dust,
From ravening brutes, save on the smiling
face
A honeyed falseness—in the
heart so base
A craven weakness and a fiercer lust.
Where was a friend had not his friend
betrayed
A brother guiltless of a brother’s
death,
A wife that hid no poisoned sting beneath
A fond embrace? Of one clay all were
made!
Thus I became as they. Since only
fear
Could tame that crew, I bade its form
draw near.
It was a war I waged; I found a joy
Undreamed-of in their death-cries, and
in blood
Full ankle-deep I waded—victor
stood,
To find at last that horror too could
cloy!
Now, grimly bearing what I may not mend,
Remorseless, unconsoled, I wait the end.”
His dull voice sank to silence. Moaning low,
He met new pains: cold sweat stood on his brow.
In fearsome change his face the watchers saw
Grow like some hideous mask; till Macro came
Nearer the throne-like couch, and spoke a name
“Shall I thy nephew call—Caligula?
Thy sickness waxes—”
Hissed
the prince in scorn:
“My curse upon thee, viper!
What to thee
Is Caius? Still I live! And
he was born
To ape the others—lies, greed,
roguery,
And aught but manhood. If he had,
’twere vain;
No hero now Rome’s downfall may
restrain.
If gods there were, upon this ruined soil
No god could bring forth fruit; but that
weak lad!
Nay, nay, not him—the spirits
stern and sad
That dog my steps and mock at all my coil,
The Furies of the abyss that drive me
mad,
Them—them and chaos—leave
I of my toil
The heritage. For them the sceptre!”
So
Up leaped he as he was, dire agony
Twisting his features, from the window
high
Tore back the curtain, cast with frenzied
throw
The wand of empire far into the night—
Then, senseless, crumbled.
In the court below
A soldier stood at guard—a man of might,
Fair-haired and long of limb. Straight to his feet
It rolled, the rounded ivory, and upsprang
From off the polished marble with a clang