I must have been deadly pale, for when at last he looked at me, he started.

“I don’t know how it is,” he said, with a groan, “I always have to give you pain, when, Heaven knows, I’d give my life to spare you every suffering.  I can’t see any other way to take care of you than the way I tell you of, and yet, I have no doubt you think me cruel, and selfish, to ask you to do it now.  It does seem so, and yet it is not.  If you knew how much it has cost me to speak, you would believe it.”

“I do believe it,” I said, trying to command my voice.  “I think you have always been too good and kind to me.  But I can’t tell you how this makes me feel.  Oh, Richard, isn’t there any, any other way?”

“Perhaps there may be,” he said, with a bitter and disappointed look, “but I do not know of it.”

“Oh, Richard, do not be angry with me.  Think how hard it is for me always to be disappointing you.  I have a great deal of trouble!”

“Yes, Pauline, I know you have,” he said, sitting down by me, and taking my hand in a repentant way.  “You see I’m selfish, and only looked at my own disappointment just that minute.  I thought I had not any hope that you might not mind the idea of marrying me; but you see, after all, I had.  I believe I must have fancied that you were getting over your trouble:  you have seemed so much brighter lately.  But now I know the truth; and now I know that what I do is simply sacrifice and duty.  A man must be a fool who looks for pleasure in marrying a woman who has no love for him.  And I say now, in the face of it all, marry me, Pauline, if you can bring yourself to do it.  I am the only approach to a friend that you have in the world.  As your husband, I can care for you and protect you.  You are young, your character is unformed, you are ignorant of the world.  You have no home, no protection, literally none, and I am afraid to trust you.  You need not be angry if I say so.  I think I’ve earned the right to find some faults in you.  I don’t expect you to love me.  I don’t expect to be particularly happy; but there are a good many ways of serving God and doing one’s duty; and if we try to serve him and to live for duty, it will all come out right at last.  You will be a happier woman, Pauline, if you do it, than if you rebel against it, and try to find some other way, and put yourself in a subordinate place, or a place of dependence, and waste your life, and expose yourself to temptation.  No, no, Pauline, I cannot see you do it.  Heaven knows, I wish you had somebody else to direct you.  But it has all come upon me, and I must do the best I can.  I think any one else would advise the same, who had the same means of judging.”

“I will do just what you think best,” I said, almost in a whisper, getting up.

“That is right,” he answered, in a husky voice, rising too, and putting my cloak about my shoulders, which had fallen off.  “You will see it will be best.”