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QUITE THE NEWEST SONGS.—­“Over the Sparkling Serpentine.”  By the author and composer of “Across the Still Lagoon.” “Five Men in a Cab.”  By the ditto ditto of “Three Men in a Boat;” “Hates Copper Nightmare” to follow “Love’s Golden Dream;” and the “General’s Dustpan;” also, shortly; a companion song to the popular “Admiral’s Broom.”

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“A GATHERING OF THE CLAN.”—­According to Debrett, the Earl of CLANCARTY (by the way, the Patent of Nobility granted to this family in 1793, is consequently not a hundred years old) bears on his arms “A Sun in splendour.”  The authority is too good to imagine for a moment that this can be a misprint!

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WEEK BY WEEK.

Monday.—­Colney Hatch Hussars’ Annual private Introspection.  Balloon rises at Chelsea.  Sets to partners after midnight.

Tuesday.—­Beadle of Burlington Arcade’s Copper Wedding Festivities commence.  Kangaroo Shooting in Fleet Street begins.

Wednesday.—­Mr. Punch up and out with the lark.  Afternoon Fireworks on the Stock Exchange.  Hippopotamus-washing in the Serpentine commences.

Thursday.—­Billiard Championship contest in the Pool below London Bridge.  Cannons supplied by the Tower.  Anniversary Festivity to celebrate the Discovery of cheap Ginger Beer by the Chinese B.C. 3700.

Friday.—­Opening of the “Wash and Brush you up” Company’s Automatic Machine, by Prince HENRY of BATTENBERG.  Total Eclipse of the Moon, invisible at Herne Bay and Pekin.

Saturday.—­Tinned Oyster Season commences.  Fancy Dress Ball at Bedlam.  Close time for Hyaenas in Belgrave Square.

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The Austrian Inventor, who has just designed his ship of a mile in length that is to travel through the water at eighty-seven miles an hour, and cross the Atlantic in something under a day and a half, is, I am told, only waiting the requisite capital to enable him at once to set about carrying his project into effect.  Each vessel will be provided with an Opera House a Cathedral, including a Bishop, who will be one of the ship’s salaried officers; a Circus, Cricket-ground, Cemetery, Race-course, Gambling-saloon, and a couple of lines of Electric Tram-cars.  The total charge for board and transit will be only 10s. 6d. a day, which will bring the fare to New York to something like 16s.  As it is calculated that at least 100,000 passengers will cross the Atlantic on each journey, the financial aspect of the whole concern seems sound.  As I said before, the only difficulty is the capital.  Surely some enterprising Croesus who has thirty millions lying idle in the Two-and-a-half per Cents, might look at the matter.

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