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AN EMPEROR’S WILL.

[The German Emperor is an accomplished Sportsman.  He appears
to be able to bring down his birds at will.—­Daily News.]

Would you like to be an Emperor, and wear a golden crown,
With fifty different uniforms for every single day;
To make the nations shudder with the semblance of a frown,
And, if BISMARCKS should oppose you, just to order them away? 
With your actions autocratic,
And your poses so dramatic;
Yours the honour and the glory, while the country pays the bill,
With your shouting sempiternal,
And your Grandmamma a Colonel,
And the power—­which is best of all—­to shoot your birds by will.

Then the joy of gallopading with a helmet and a sword,
While the thunder of your cannons wakes the echoes from afar. 
And if, while you’re in Germany, you happen to be bored,
Why, you rush away to Russia, and you call upon the CZAR. 
With your wordy perorations,
And your peaceful proclamations,
While you grind the nation’s manhood in your military mill. 
And whenever skies look pleasant
Out you go and shoot a pheasant,
Or as many as you want to, with your double-barrelled will.

You can always flout your father, too—­he’s dead, but never mind;
He and all who dream as he did are much better in their graves. 
And you cross the sea to Osborne, and, if Grandmamma be kind,
You become a British Admiral, and help to rule the waves;
With Jack Tars to say “Ay, Ay, Sir!”
To this nautical young Kaiser,
Who is like the waves he sails on, since he never can be still. 
Who to every other blessing
Adds the proud one of possessing
A gun-replacing, bird-destroying, game-bag-filling will.

* * * * *

“HATS OFF!”—­MR. EDWARD CROSSLEY, M.P., is to be congratulated on a narrow escape, according to the report in the Times last week.  During service in the Free Church at Brodick, some portion of the ceiling gave way, Mr. CROSSLEY was covered with plaster—­better to be covered with plaster before than after an accident—­and “his hat was cut to pieces.”  From which it is to be inferred that “hats are much worn” during Divine service in the Free Church, as in the Synagogue.  And so no fanatic can be admitted who has “a tile off.”  How fortunate for Mr. E. CROSSLEY that this ancient custom of the Hebrews is still observed in the Free Kirk.  Since then Mr. CROSSLEY has bought a new tile, and is, therefore, perfectly re-covered.

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

[Illustration:  Reviewing.]