between Mrs. Bardell and Mrs. Cluppins, when Sam Weller joined in, and they all “got a talking,” it is enough to make any oyster-lover’s mouth water—­no doubt the worthy Alderman’s did water,—­did water “like WILKIN!”—­to hear that while everybody, including the worthy Alderman aforesaid, was paying 2s. 6d., and 3s., and even 3s. 6d. for real Natives, some people were gratifying their molluscous tastes at the small charge of One Shilling and Threepence for thirteen, or were getting six oysters and a half—­the half be demm’d—­for sixpence.  Long time is it since we paid 1s. 3d. for Real Royal Natives.  They may have left Whitstable at that price, but they never came to our Wits’ Table at anything like that figure.  Still, to the truly Christian mind it is pleasant, if not consoling, to know that some of our fellow-creatures, not generally so well-favoured as ourselves, should have been able to take advantage of the most favoured Native clause in the Oyster Season of 1889.

*** By the way, in answer to a Correspondent, who signs himself “AN ARTFUL DREDGER, WHO WISHES TO LIVE OUT OF TOWN,” we beg to inform him that “Beds” is not a county specially celebrated for oysters.

* * * * *

BREAKING A RECORD ON A WHEEL!

  Break, break, break! 
    On thy “Safety” swift, oh, “crack!”
  And I would that my tongue could utter
    My thoughts on the cyclist’s track.

  Oh, well for MECREDY, the “bhoy,”
    That “records” for him won’t stay;
  And well for OSMOND and WOOD
    That they break them every day.

  And the “Safeties” still improve,
    And their riders develope more skill;
  And it’s oh! for the records of yesterday! 
    To-morrow they’ll all be nil!

  Break! break! break! 
    On thy wheels, oh, S.B.C.! 
  But the grace of KEITH FALCONER, CORTIS, and KEEN,
    Will they ever come back to me?

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE AMATEUR PHOTOGRAPHIC PEST.]

* * * * *

LOST HAIRS-AT-LAW.

“SEQUEL to a Breach of Promise Case” is the heading to a paragraph in the Daily Telegraph, recording how Turner v. Avant was heard before Mr. Commissioner KERR, who adjourned the case for three weeks, because, as Mr. AGABEG, the Counsel for the Plaintiff, observed, without agabegging the question, they couldn’t get any information essential to the proceedings as to the whereabouts of the Miss HAIRS, who, after failing in her action against Sir GEORGE ELLIOTT, M.P., gave up minding her own business, which she sold, and retired to the Continent; and Plaintiffs also wanted to know the present address of a certain, or uncertain, Mr. HOLLAND, somewhile Secretary to the Avant Company.  Odd this.  Not find Hairs in September!  Cry “En Avant!” and let loose the harriers!—­a suggestion that might have been appropriately made by the Commissioner whose name alone, with respect be it said, should qualify him for the Chief Magistracy in the Isle of Dogs.  In the meantime the Plaintiffs have three weeks’ adjournment in order to search the maps and find HOLLAND.