Soldier.  “WELL, ’E AIN’T REALLY VERY FEARFUL.  YOU SEE THE BIG FELLOW’S ‘IS SERGEANT AN’ THIS IS THE ONLY CHANCE ’E ’AS OF GETTING A BIT OF ’IS OWN BACK.”]

* * * * *

CHARIVARIA.

Sir ERNEST SHACKLETON is to undertake a new expedition to the South Pole, and across the whole South Polar Continent.  It is said that an offer from Dr. COOK, who happens to be over here, to show Sir ERNEST how he might save himself much wearisome travelling in achieving his object, has been rejected.

***

Judge PARRY declares, in the current number of The Cornhill, that lost golf balls belong to the KING; and the ballroom at Buckingham Palace is, we understand, to be enlarged at once.

***

Mr. BERNARD SHAW is the latest addition to Madame TUSSAUD’S gallery of wax-works.  But Mr. CHESTERTON must not be jealous.  He too, we understand, will be placed there if room can be found for him.

***

From some correspondence in The Express we learn that members of more than one savage tribe have a habit of standing on one leg.  We see no objection to this at all, but we were bound to protest the other day, in a crowded train, when we came across a stout gentleman standing on one foot.  The foot, we should mention, was ours.

***

Of the late Mr. JOHN WILLIAM WHITE, who was only twenty-one inches in height, we are told that he was an ardent politician.  Could he have been a Little Englander?

***

Straws show which way the wind blows, and the fact that the first prize in the Christmas Lottery at Madrid has been won in Madrid, and the second in London, is held by wiseacres to prove that there is a secret understanding between our country and Spain.

***

The fact that France’s Colonial Empire, which is already extensive, has been increased by the birth, during a volcanic eruption, of a new island in the New Hebrides, has caused some little irritation in Germany.

***

The Lost Property department of Scotland Yard will, it is said, this year easily beat all previous records in the number of articles lost.  But we English have always had the reputation of being good losers.

***

It is announced that Miss PHYLLIS DESMOND, of the Gaiety Theatre, and Mr. C.R.  FINCH NOYES, of the Royal Naval Flying Corps, were married secretly last June.  As proving how difficult it is to keep a secret we believe that the fact has been known for some time past both to Miss DESMOND and Mr. NOYES.

***

Special cinema productions depicting scenes of a sacred nature were provided by enterprising managers for the clergy during the holiday season.  When one remembers that there is also Who’s the Lady? running under distinguished episcopal patronage, the modern curate cannot complain that he is not well catered for.