Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, July 26, 1890 eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 46 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, July 26, 1890.

Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, July 26, 1890 eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 46 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, July 26, 1890.

With the best of wishes,

Yours sincerely,

(Signed) EVERYBODY.

* * * * *

CHANCE FOR BUYERS.—­Last week, among the Tuesday’s arrangements in the Daily Telegraph, was announced:—­“Bath Horse Show.”  Did this include “Bath Towel-Horse Show?” Fine chance for sporting Mr. BLUNDEL MAPLE.  M.P., as a Towel-Horse dealer.  “Great Towel-Horse Show in Tottenham Court Road!” The sale of yearlings and the pedigrees would be interesting.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  LATEST INTELLIGENCE.

“BY THE WAY, WHERE IS THAT PLACE, HELIGOLAND, THEY’RE ALL TALKING SO MUCH ABOUT?”

“OH—­DON’T YOU KNOW, DEAR?  IT’S ONE OF THE PLACES LATELY DISCOVERED BY MR. STANLEY!”]

* * * * *

THE TOMATO-CURE FOR DYSPEPSIA.

  Don’t talk to me of colocynth or famed cerulean pill,
  Don’t mention hyoscyamus or aloes when I’m ill;
  The very word podophyllin is odious in mine ears,
  The thought of all the drugs I’ve ta’en calls up the blinding tears;
  The Demon of Dyspepsia, a sufferer writes to say,
  At sight of the Tomato-plant will vanish quite away.

  The Faculty will diet you till indigestion stops,
  On what have always seemed to me interminable slops;
  A dainty dish is sure to be the worst thing you can eat;
  The bismuth and the charcoal come like nightmares after meat. 
  Away with all restrictions now, bring mutton, beef, and veal,
  As long as ripe Tomatoes come to supplement a meal.

  Hepatic action, doctors say, is very hard to start,
  And if you have too much of it, that also makes you smart;
  And so the fate of many folks, especially in town,
  Is first to stir the liver up, and then to calm him down. 
  Now he can trouble us no more, although we go the pace;
  A diet of Tomatoes keeps the tyrant in his place.

  Away with deleterious drugs, for here’s a plant been found,
  Worth all the weird concoctions that dispensers can compound: 
  Get fresh Tomatoes, red and ripe, and slice and eat, and then—­
  You’ll find that you are liver-less, and not like other men. 
  Come ye who dire dyspepsia’s pangs impatiently endure,
  It cannot hurt, and may do good, this new Tomato-Cure.

* * * * *

SWEETS TO THE ACID.—­In an excellent speech, last week, Mr. HENRY IRVING suggested that a Charitable Organisation Society should be established for the Distribution of Art Relief.  He rightly contended that the Beautiful was as necessary to perfect happiness as the Severely Useful.  Drains (excellent things in their way) are scarcely on a level with Pictures.  This is an idea that the so-called “goody-goody folk” find a difficulty in accepting; possibly because most of them personally represent everything that is unlovely.

Copyrights
Project Gutenberg
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, July 26, 1890 from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.