Business done.—­In Commons, more about Irish Votes.

Friday.—­Vote for Irish Prisons Board on in Committee of Supply.  Interesting conversation between Prince ARTHUR and recent inmates of the prisons.  O’BRIEN protests that the treatment was abominable.  Prince ARTHUR cites O’B.’s personal appearance in proof that things are not so bad as they are painted.  “Four times you’ve been in prison,” he urged, “and see how well you look.”  DILLON takes objection to the prison garb; discloses strong yearning to see Prince ARTHUR arrayed in it.  ARTHUR quite content with his present tailor.  SHAW-LEFEVRE joins in conversation; ARTHUR looks at him longingly.  “They say we shan’t be in office another year, TOBY,” he observed, as SHAW-LEFEVRE proceeded at some length; “but I should like to be CHIEF SECRETARY long enough to get a chance of running SHAW-LEFEVRE in.  He’s very slippery; knows how near he may go without incurring actual risk; but I’ll have him some day.” Business done.—­Irish Votes happily concluded.

* * * * *

A SPORTING STYLE.

(WITH EXAMPLES.)

Prefatory Note.—­It is a common mistake to suppose that the present generation frowns upon the literary achievements of the descriptive reporter who chronicles the great deeds of athletes, oarsmen, pugilists, and sportsmen generally.  On the contrary, if we may pretend to judge from a wide and long-continued study, we should say that the vates sacer of the present day, though he may not rival his predecessors in refinement and classical allusion, is by no means inferior to them in wealth of language and picturesque irrelevancy.  Sporting reporting, in fact, was never more of a fine art, and on the whole has rarely been better paid, than it is at the present day.  In the hope that many a young journalist may be helped in his struggle for fame and fortune, Mr. Punch proposes to publish a short manual of sporting reports, with examples and short notes, that may explain the technique of the business to the aspirant.

[Illustration]

RULES.

1.  Always remember that you are a sporting reporter, and be as sportive as you can.  The dig-in-the-ribs and chuck-her-under-the-chin style is always effective.

2.  Speak of everybody by his Christian name or his nick-name.

3.  If you think a man ought to have a nickname, invent one for him.

4.  Employ stock quotations wherever they are least required, and give a music-hall flavour to every report.

5.  If possible, misquote.

6.  Avoid all simple language.

7.  Patronise all titled sportsmen, and pat wealthy bookmakers on the back.

8.  Never miss an opportunity of showing that you are on familiar terms with the sun, moon, rain, wind, and weather in general.  Do this, as a rule, by means of classical tags vulgarised down to the level of a costermonger’s cart.