“So glad to see you at last.  Now don’t let me interrupt your talk with Mrs. VEREKER;” i.e., “If I do, I shall be let in for being button-holed.”

“Do let me get you some tea—­you must be dying for a cup;” i.e., “Know I am.”

“So sorry—­I fear everything is cold.  Do let me have some fresh tea made for you;” i.e., “He can’t accept that offer.”

IN A NON-SMOKING CARRIAGE.

“You don’t mind my cigar, do you?” i.e., “I know he does, but I’m not going to waste it.”

(Reply to the above query.)

“Oh, not at all!” i.e., “Beastly thing!  If he wasn’t so confoundedly selfish and stingy, he’d throw it away.”

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“I’M AFLOAT!”

(NEWCASTLE-ON-TYNE VERSION.)

[Illustration]

  I’m afloat, I’m afloat on the coaly black Tyne! 
  The draft licence sent me I begged to decline;
  Though other chaps had ’em, they were not for me;
  I prefer a free flag, on the strictest Q.T. 
  A sly “floating factory” thus I set up
  (I’m a mixture of RUPERT the Rover and KRUPP). 
  At Jarrow Slake moored, my trim wherry or boat
  I rejoiced in, and sung “I’m afloat!  I’m afloat!”
  For quick-firing guns ammunition I made,
  Engaging (says FORD) in the contraband trade. 
  An inquest was held, but its verdict cleared me. 
  I’m afloat, I’m afloat, and the Rover is free!

I fear not the Government, heed not its law.  Much rumpus is made, we shall hear lots of jaw:  An explosion took place on October the third, My sly “floating factory” blew up like a bird.  It killed one poor fellow, and damaged a lot, But I am a Great Gun, and got off like a shot; Indeed all were well, but for cold Colonel FORD, Who blames me, the Rover!  Too bad, on my word!  The Pirate of Elswick shall not be the sport of a fussy Commission’s ill-tempered Report.  To bring me to book is all fiddlededee—­ I’m afloat, I’m afloat, and the Rover is free!

I contraband, careless?  Why, everyone owns That is natural, ’neath the black flag and cross-bones.  No mere paltry maker of fireworks am I, But a Rover who’s free, whose sole roof is the sky.  The law of the land may the petty appal.  But frighten the Rover?  Oh no, not at all!  And ne’er to Commissions or Colonels I’ll yield, Whilst there’s Black Tyne to back me or Whitehall to shield.  Unfurl the Black Flag! shake its folds to the wind!  And I’ll warrant we’ll soon leave sea-lawyers behind.  Up, up with the flag!  Pirate’s licence for me!  I’m afloat, I’m afloat, and the Rover is free!

* * * * *

DEFINITION OF MILITARY MANOEUVRES.—­“Peace-work.”

DARWINITES.—­“The Evolutionary Squadron.”

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