Reclame (Gratis).—­Where is the Lessee of the Haymarket?  He ought to have been in India.  He was wanted there.  The Daily News, last week, told us in its Morning News Columns that “at a place called Beerbhoom”—­clearly the Indian spelling of Beerbohm—­“there was a desirable piece of land lying waste”—­the very spot for a theatre—­“because it was reputed to be haunted by a malignant goddess,”—­that wouldn’t matter as long as the “gods” were well provided for.  Then it continues, “They” (who?) “did all they could to propitiate her, setting apart a tree—.”  Yes; but it wasn’t the right tree:  of course it ought to have been a BEERBHOOM TREE.  His first drama might have shown how a Buddhist priest couldn’t keep a secret.  Thrilling!

* * * * *

WOMAN’S HAPPIEST HOUR.

(BY A SOUR OLD CYNIC.)

  A Yankee Journal raises wordy strife
  About “the happiest hour of Woman’s life.” 
  I’ll answer in less compass than a sonnet:—­
  “When she outshines her best friend’s smartest bonnet!”

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE BRITISH LION AND THE GERMAN FOX; OR, A MISTAKE SOMEWHERE!

(Vide Cartoon, Nov. 17, 1888.)]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE PLEASURES OF GETTING UP EARLY TO GO “CUBBING.”

1.  The Meet was to be at Cropper’s Gorse, 5:30.  At 4:30 Thompson called for me.  He said he knew the way perfectly.

2.  After we had gone a couple of miles, a steady rain came on.  I didn’t think much of the beauties of early morning.

3.  “Well, my man,” said Thompson, “seen the hounds?  This is Cropper’s Gorse, I suppose?” “Noa, Sur; this be Cropper’s Plantation.  The Gorse be four miles over yonder!”

4.  “Extraordinary thing I should have been mistaken,” said Thompson.  “Never mind.  Let’s canter on, and we’ll see some fun yet.”

5.  “Hi! my boy, is this Cropper’s Gorse?” asked Thompson.  “Noa, Sur.  This be Cropper’s Common.  The Gorse be five miles over yonder!”

6.  Then Thompson had the decency to say, “Let’s go back and have breakfast.”]

* * * * *

RATS IN COUNCIL.

A mass meeting of Rats was held (unknown to the Park-keepers) under the Reformer’s Oak in Hyde Park, at midnight of last Sunday.  The object of the gathering was to protest against the proposal made by a Correspondent of The Times, that the “sewer-rats who had established themselves in the sylvan retreat” known as Hyde Park Dell, should be exterminated by means of “twenty ferrets and a few capable dogs.”