***

As we go to press we are informed on good authority that the cat that developed rabies last week has now been successfully killed eight times, and it is expected that its final execution will have taken place by the time this appears in print.

***

We understand that the Tredegar Fire Brigade strike is settled.  Patrons are asked to bear with the Brigade, who have promised to work off arrears of fires in strict rotation.

***

A Surrey Church magazine appeals for funds to renovate the church exits.  For ourselves, if we were a parson, we shouldn’t worry about getting people out of church so long as we got them in.

***

A Scottish Chamber of Commerce has passed a resolution in favour of smaller One Pound Treasury Notes.  If at the same time they could be made a bit cheaper the movement would be a popular one.

***

A taxi-driver who knocked down a pedestrian in Edgware Road and then drove off has been summoned.  His defence is that he mistook the unfortunate man for an intending fare.

***

The Northumberland Miners’ Council has passed a resolution calling on the Government to evacuate our troops from Russia, drop the Conscription Bill, remove the blockade and release conscientious objectors.  Their silence on the subject of Dalmatia is being much commented on.

***

A report reaches us that Jazz is about to be made a notifiable disease.

* * * * *

A spring idyll.

If wound stripes were given to soldiers on becoming casualties to Cupid’s archery barrage, Ronnie Morgan’s sleeve would be stiff with gilt embroidery.  The spring offensive claimed him as an early victim.  When be became an extensive purchaser of drab segments of fossilized soap, bottles of sticky brilliantine with a chemical odour, and postcards worked with polychromatic silk, the billet began to make inquiries.

“It’s that little mam’zelle at the shop in the Rue de la Republique,” reported Jim Brown.  “He spends all his pay and as much as he can borrow of mine to get excuses for speaking to her.”

There was a period of regular visits and intense literary activity on the part of Ronnie, followed by the sudden disappearance of Mam’zelle and an endeavour by the disconsolate swain to liquidate his debts in kind.

“I owe you seven francs, Jim,” said he.  “If you give me another three francs and I give you two bottles of brilliantine and a cake of vanilla-flavoured soap we’ll be straight.”

“Not me!” said Jim firmly.  “I’ve no wish to be a scented fly-paper.  Have you frightened her away?”

“She’s been swept away on a flood of my eloquence,” said Ronnie sadly.  “But in the wrong direction; and after I’d bought enough pomatum from her to grease the keel of a battleship, and enough soap to wash it all off again.  Good soap it is too, me lad; lathers well if you soak it in hot water overnight.”