***

“I don’t go to the pictures,” says Mr. H.G.  Wells.  It is not clear whether the Academy or the cinema is meant, but it shows that the famous novelist is, after all, only human, like so many of us.

***

As a result of high prices, says The Daily Express, ladies may now be seen at Longchamps without stockings.  We have noticed similar signs of the high price of ladies’ dresses in this country.

***

Sir Neville MACREADY’S statement that “burglars to-day often resort to violence” has caused much annoyance, and the famous police chief is to be asked to receive a deputation of London burglars to discuss the point.

***

Under no circumstances, says a medical leaflet, should flies be allowed in the house.  If they knock at the front-door and then rush past you, send for a policeman.

***

A Streatham resident is offering a reward of ten shillings for the return of a “ginger” cat which has been lost.  As the owner has shown no other traces of the effect of the hot weather the authorities have decided not to pursue the case.

***

Things are coming to a pretty pass in Ireland.  Just because a man attempted to murder somebody in County Armagh the police have threatened to arrest him.

***

An ex-special constable, relating his experiences in a weekly magazine, mentions that he once found a perfectly good alarum-clock on the doorstep of a neighbour’s house.  Further investigation would, no doubt, have resulted in the discovery of the milk-jug on the bedroom mantelpiece.

***

“A young man should kiss a girl on either the left or the right cheek,” says a writer on hygiene in a weekly paper.  As the option of either cheek is given, many young men will no doubt hesitate between the two.

***

An evening paper reports that a live shell was found “laying” in an open field near Southend.  This seems a sure sign that the nesting-season is now in full swing, and it seems a pity that we did not think of this method of shell-production during the War.

***

“No honest German,” says Herr SCHEIDEMANN, “can possibly sign the Peace Treaty.”  The best plan, perhaps, would be to call for volunteers and take the risk as to qualification.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Boxer (amidst a babel of advice).  “Look ’Ere—­Chuck it!  I got demobilised as A ONE-MAN business.”]

* * * * *

From a recent law-report:—­

    “I say ‘Civis Britannicus Sam.’”—­Evening Paper.

It is proposed, we understand, to adopt this as the motto of the Anglo-American Union.

* * * * *

BREST-BUCHAREST-VERSAILLES.