While the general had been speaking, my mind was more fixed upon myself than upon what he was saying.  The ideas he expressed were readily understood:  their implications in regard to myself were equally clear; he wanted me to serve again as a getter of information.  My stomach rose against my trade; I had become nauseated—­I don’t know a better word —­with this spying business.  The strain upon me had been too great; the 23d and 24th of May had brought to my mental nature transitions too sudden and entire to be wholesome; I felt that only a positive command to enter the rebel lines would justify me in doing myself such violence again; I had begun to fear for myself; I certainly should not volunteer.

“Now, Berwick,” said the general; “I believe that you are the man for our business.  Do you feel free to undertake it for us?”

“Please tell me what you have in mind, General,” I said, more with the view of softening a predetermined refusal than with any intention of heeding his wishes.

“We want accurate information of the enemy’s strength on his left,” said he; “look at this map—­here is our position, nearly on our extreme right; we want you to find out what is opposite our right and what force extends beyond our front.  The enemy’s line curves or else has a salient somewhere beyond this point; his line turns somewhere and extends in some form to the James River.  Find that salient or curve; ascertain its strength and the strength of their left, or western face.”

“And I need not go into their lines to do that?” I asked, somewhat hopefully, but only a moment hopefully, for I saw how impossible would be my suggestion.

“I am afraid you will find it necessary to go into the enemy’s lines,” said the general.

It was now on my lips to ask General Morell whether I had choice in the matter, that is, whether I might decline the honour offered me; but I was checked by the thought that it would be impossible to explain my reluctance; and without an explanation of my peculiarity I should suffer the loss of his respect—­something I did not wish to forfeit.

“No,” he repeated, “you must get within their lines at night; remain a day with them, two if necessary, and come out at night.  The distance is not great.  A few miles to go and come, and a few miles within their lines.”

Oh, yes! to him it was easy for me to do this.  And I have no doubt that he honestly believed the reputed charm of such adventures fascinated me as well as others.  But if that man on that accursed night of June had seen what was going on in me, he would have been far from choosing Jones Berwick as the man to send upon an enterprise that demanded a fixed purpose and an undisturbed mind; rather would he have ordered Dr. Khayme to see to it that I had perfect repose and gentle care lest worst should follow worse.

But how could I tell him?  If I should desire to tell him, how could I presume upon his good-nature?—­the good-nature of a general of a division, whose office was high and whose time was invaluable, and who, as I knew well, tolerated my presence for a few moments only, in order that he might accomplish a purpose.