“’How Oggsouash and I come together is neither here nor there, although I could find it in my heart to wish it was,’ I says.  ’But now that the worst has happened, let us meet the consequences like men—­you, like men raised and prostrated by such things as cauliflower, sweet potatoes, and hay, washed down by the water which flows in all its glistening uselessness among the hop-toads and mud-turtles of Oggsouash Creek; and me, like men that pick the hindleg of an ox at a sittin’ and make the spirits in Peg-leg’s place go down like the approach of Arctic breezes.

“‘To resume,’ says I.  ’It may be that there ain’t a man drifted further from what the standards of this here place is than I be, but I’m willin’ to put my hand to an affydavit statin’ it never crossed my mind to draft a set of rules as an improvement on the Almighty’s.  There’s where you put it all over me.  I have held up a train to hear what the passengers would say, but lackin’ the advantages that has doubtless been yours, I duck when it comes to reformin’ Heaven.

“’It struck me with the force of a revelation when I arrived at your glowin’ mertroppollus this afternoon that to make any human bein’, particlerly children, forget for a time that they lived in Oggsouash was a religious duty.  I have therefore furnished a few trifles for the purpose.  I move you, ladies and gentlemen, that we turn this Christmas Eve into a Pagan festival.  All in favor of this motion will keep their seats—­contrary minded will please rise,’ and I cocked both guns.

“‘Carried, unanimous,’ says I.  ’Now, please let each young person come forward as his, her, or its name is called.  I shall be severely displeased if you don’t.’

“Then I read from the list the lady had furnished me, and the kids come up.  The last party on the list was a little gal that had been poppin’ up an’ down like a prairie-dog, fearin’ she was goin’ to git left, and when at last I sings out ’Annabella Angelina Hugginswat!’ here she come, her eyes snatched wide open by the two little pigtails that stuck out behind, walkin’ knock-kneed and circular, as some little girls does, and stiff er’n a poker in her j’ints from scart-to-death and gladness.

“‘Angelina,’ says I, pickin’ up the big doll-baby I’d saved for her, ‘you must be the fond parient of this child,’ says I.  ’Raise it kindly; teach it that it’s been damned since the year of our Lord B. C. 7604; feed it vegetables, Angelina, and keep it away from strong drink, even if you have to use force.’

“Angelina, she didn’t mind my pursyflage, but she just stood there quiverin’ all over, lookin’ at her prize.

“‘Ith that my dolly?’ she says.

“‘That’s your sure-enough dolly, little gal,’ I says.

“She took hold of it—­her little arms was stiff as railroad ties and her hands was cold.

“She looked at me again and whispered:  “’Ith that my dolly, really, truly, mithter?’