“‘Well!’ says the cookee, when he heaved the egg into the coffee, ‘that settles it!’ And that settled me.  I sure did know how it was myself.  If there was any man in or out of the Territory of Utah that knew how it was myself, I and him was the same indivijool.

“I took thought of Mrs. Scraggs out there all alone by herself, with her darlin’ Zeke entirely out of reach, and while I don’t recommend the idee of jollyin’ yourself by gloatin’ over the misfortunes of others, I thinks this here state of affairs could be worse, and I went forth strong in the faith to New York City, feelin’ I might encounter some kind of quick action, like Brother Stimmins prophesied.

“And there, you see, is where sinful feelin’ in me turned me over to the enemy, bound hand and foot, gagged and blindfolded.  Who was I to exalt myself agin the smart young men of New York City?  How come it the foolish notion buzzed in my cockloft that, like Samson of old, I might fall upon the adversary, hip, hurrah, and thigh, and of the fragments that remained gather seven bushels?  Pride goeth before destruction and a naughty spirit before a fall.  Up I sasshays to my hotel bedroom to take account of resources.  Mighty slim they was.  In the false bottom of the trunk was a pocketbook that looked like the wheel of progress had passed over it, and a little sack of nuggets—­that was all.  Them nuggets was the pride of my life.  I didn’t buy ’em from the Chinaman that offered, but I come horrible near it.  And yet that Chink had the innocentest face in Utah; he might ha’ stood for a picture of Adam before Eve cast a shadder on his manly brow.  I don’t recall anything that’s more deceivin’ than appearances, yet what in the world’s a man to go by?  Well, them nuggets ort to said to me, ’Young man, beware!  Be warier than John H. Devilkins himself!  All that’s heavy and yaller is not gold.  Sometimes a patient Chinaman, flappin’ of the flies with his pigtail, will industrusly manufacture that same per schedule out of common, ordinary lead, and, by exercisin’ the art of gildin’, almost whip-saw people by the name of Scraggs, if so it hadn’t ‘a’ been their gardeen angel moved ’em to try a sample with the edge of a knife.’

“Was I warned?  Well, I dunno, anyhow, I trotted myself out to the street to see what this here Metropolus business had to offer different from just plain St. Looey.

“And I found out.  Dear friends and brothers, I wonder have you ever seen a man reachin’, reachin’ for a playin’-card layin’ prostrate on the table before him, when his last chip is in the pile, his last cent in the chip, all manners and kinds of bills comin’ due tomorrow, the house to close in fifteen minutes, and hopin’ that card is just one more little two-spot?  Are you familiar with the lines of anggwish on his face?  Well, of all the hullabaloo, skippin’, flyin’, pushin’, haulin’, rompin’, tearin’, maulin’ and scratchin’ messes I ever got