I give thee this impudent account of myself, that thou mayest rave at me, and call me hardened, and what thou wilt.  For, in the first place, I, who had been so lately ill, was glad I was alive; and then I was so balked by my charmer’s unexpected absence, and so ruffled by that, and by the bluff treatment of father John, that I had no other way to avoid being out of humour with all I met with.  Moreover I was rejoiced to find, by the lady’s absence, and by her going out at six in the morning, that it was impossible she should be so ill as thou representest her to be; and this gave me still higher spirits.  Then I know the sex always love cheerful and humourous fellows.  The dear creature herself used to be pleased with my gay temper and lively manner; and had she been told that I was blubbering for her in the back-shop, she would have despised me still more than she does.

Furthermore, I was sensible that the people of the house must needs have a terrible notion of me, as a savage, bloody-minded, obdurate fellow; a perfect woman-eater; and, no doubt, expected to see me with the claws of a lion, and the fangs of a tiger; and it was but policy to show them what a harmless pleasant fellow I am, in order to familiarize the Johns and the Josephs to me.  For it was evident to me, by the good woman’s calling them down, that she thought me a dangerous man.  Whereas now, John and I have shaken hands together, and dame Smith having seen that I have the face, and hands, and looks of a man, and walk upright, and prate, and laugh, and joke, like other people; and Joseph, that I can talk of taking his teeth out of his head, without doing him the least hurt; they will all, at my next visit, be much more easy and pleasant to me than Andrew’s gloves were to him; and we shall be as thoroughly acquainted, as if we had known one another a twelvemonth.

When I returned to our mother’s, I again cursed her and all her nymphs together; and still refused to see either Sally or Polly!  I raved at the horrid arrest; and told the old dragon that it was owing to her and her’s that the fairest virtue in the world was ruined; my reputation for ever blasted; and that I was not married and perfectly happy in the love of the most excellent of her sex.

She, to pacify me, said she would show me a new face that would please me; since I would not see my Sally, who was dying with grief.

Where is this new face? cried I:  let me see her, though I shall never see any face with pleasure but Miss Harlowe’s.

She won’t come down, replied she.  She will not be at the word of command yet.  She is but just in the trammels; and must be waited upon, I’ll assure you; and courted much besides.

Ay! said I, that looks well.  Lead me to her this instant.

I followed her up:  and who should she be, but that little toad Sally!

O curse you, said I, for a devil!  Is it you? is your’s the new face?