[Illustration:  MR. WILL JONES, M.C., D.C.M., AND MR. RONALD MONTMORENCY (TOTAL EXEMPTION 1917—­WORK OF NATIONAL IMPORTANCE) AS THEY APPEAR IN THE LEADING PARTS OF THE MELODRAMA “IN HIS COUNTRY’S NEED.”

Reading from left to right:  MR. MONTMORENCY, MR. JONES.]

* * * * *

SAFETY FIRST.

The fact being now established to the satisfaction of the authorities that the public is composed almost exclusively of drivelling idiots, a campaign has been instituted for adding to the decorations of London by placarding the walls with hints on how to avoid various violent deaths.

We are surrounded now by blood-curdling photographs of people being run over by omnibuses or dribbled along the street by horses attached to brewers’ drays, these illustrations being accompanied by explanatory notes as to the inevitable result of crossing roads with your eyes shut or your fingers in your ears and endeavouring to alight from moving omnibuses by means of the back somersault or the swallow dive.  We are also implored to make quite sure, before alighting from a train, that it is really at a station.

As this admirable propaganda is only in its infancy, I submit the following additions to its collection of horrors, which may perhaps inspire others even cleverer than myself to evolve new methods of protecting the public from themselves.

TUBES.

A picture of a widow wringing her hands with grief, and under it this pungent hint:  “This is the widow of a man who tried to light his cigarette on the ‘live rail.’”

A picture of a man who has been cut in half, with, say, a crisp little couplet:—­

  “Here are two portions of Benjamin Yates
  Who scorned the request to ‘stand clear of the gates.’”

A photograph of the interior of a hospital ward full of patients, with the following:  “Interior of a ward in the Bakerdilly Hospital, exclusively for patients who stepped off the moving staircase with the wrong foot.”

TRAINS.

A picture of a stately building standing in its own grounds with the description:  “The N.S.E. & W. Railway Orphanage for children whose parents crossed the line by the track instead of the footbridge.”

A picture of a decapitated body with the poignant comment:—­

  “Be warned by the ending
   Of Ferdinand Goschen
   Who leaned out of window
   While the train was in motion.”

And perhaps a few general hints such as:—­

(1) In stepping off an omnibus always alight feet first.

(2) In crossing crowded thoroughfares, proceed through the traffic, not under it.

(3) Before stepping from the pavement make quite sure that there is a road there, etc., etc.

Imagination, colour—­that’s all that’s wanted, and if this propaganda is carried far enough the safety of the public will be assured, for either they really will try not to be killed while travelling or walking in the streets, or they will stay indoors altogether.