So the Photographic Press of England must bear their loss as best they may.

* * * * *

“Dear Sir,—­Mr. Gould has authorised this committee to hereby and of this date relinquish the title of world’s open champion at tennis.  He feels it is inexpedient for him to defend his title.”—­Field.

It is understood that he is afraid that the strain might make him split another infinitive.

* * * * *

“Mr. Siddons Kemble, a young Bensonian actor, who plays the part of ‘A Poet’ in ‘Cyrano,’ is the great-great-grandson of the actress Sarah Siddons and her equally famous brothers, John Phillip Kemble, Charles Kemble and Henry Stephen Kemble.”—­Evening News.

There must have been a remarkable amount of close intermarriage in the KEMBLE family.

* * * * *

ROYAL ACADEMY—­FIRST DEPRESSIONS.

[Illustration:  Ulysses (disillusioned). “FULL SPEED AHEAD!”]

[Illustration:  Sir William Bull (to Mr. Hacker).  “I WARN YOU THAT IF THIS ASH FALLS IT MAY THROW ME OFF MY BALANCE.”]

[Illustration:  “PULVIS ET UMBRA.”

Excited Spectator.  “TWO TO ONE ON UMBRA.”]

[Illustration:  Disgusted Artist.  “WHAT’S THE GOOD OF MY TRYING TO PAINT HER WHEN SHE KEEPS ON FALLING ASLEEP?” ]

[Illustration:  “OH, DO HURRY UP AND FINISH!  I’M GROWING OUT OF MY CLOTHES.”]

[Illustration:  The Donkey.  “LET THEM FACE THE CAMERA IF THEY LIKE.  FOR MY PART, I’M AT MY BEST IN PROFILE.”]

[Illustration:  The Right Hon. Mr. Justice Darling.  “NO, THIS IS NOT A JOKE!”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Cynical Taxi-driver. “HERE!—­HI!—­ME LORD!  YOU’VE MADE A MISTAKE—­YOU’VE GIVE ME TUPPENCE TOO MUCH!”]

* * * * *

THE COOK.

(With acknowledgments to TENNYSON and CALVERLEY.)

  Urged by the Government, with loyal step
  I to the Labour Bureau made my way
  To find a cook; and there beheld a queen,
  Tall, fair, arrayed in feathers and in fur
  And all things beautiful.  Whom when I saw,
  “Madam,” said I, “they tell me, who should know,
  That you have skill of Mrs. Beeton’s art. 
  If that be so—­” She nodded “Yes,” and I
  Assumed a courage, though I had it not,
  And spoke again:  “Then tell me, if you will,
  Of your experience and past career. 
  Whence come you?” And the cook—­why not?—­replied: 

  “I come from haunts of bomb and shell,
    I’ve toyed with lathes and gauges,
  I’ve sparkled out a sudden swell
    With quite unheard-of wages.

  “By thirty shops I’ve paused to buy
    Silk stockings, skirts and undies,
  In fifty stores I’ve sat to try
    Smart tango boots for Sundays.