4. The use of wrong connectives. (It rained yesterday, and I went to school.) We assume that the pupil wishes to convey the thought that he went to school yesterday in spite of the rain.  But by his use of the coordinating conjunction, “and,” he has failed to establish a logical relation between the two clauses.  In this case unity is violated as well as coherence.  Use different connectives and note the result, (Although it rained yesterday, I went to school) or, (It rained yesterday, but I went to school).

5. Failure to observe parallelism in form. (The stranger seemed courteous in his conduct and to have a solicitude for my welfare.) Although this sentence is grammatically correct, the shift in structure from the adjective and its phrase to the infinitive phrase leads to confusion in thought.  How much clearer and smoother this rendering:  (The stranger seemed courteous in his conduct and solicitous for my welfare.)

+98.  Emphasis in the sentence is affected unfavorably by+—­

1. Weak beginnings and endings. (A fire in the city is an exciting event to the average boy.) (It seemed that the unprincipled fellow had forged his father’s name.) In the first sentence, the important words are “exciting event,” and they should occupy the most conspicuous position,—­ at the end of the sentence.  The effectiveness is much improved by this order:  (To the average boy, a fire in the city is an exciting event.) In the second sentence the weak place is the beginning.  The subject and its modifiers are striking enough to demand their rightful position,—­as the introductory words; in “forged his father’s name” we have ideas startling enough for a place at the end of the sentence.  “It seemed that” can be reduced to one word, “apparently,” and this can be made parenthetical.  (The unprincipled fellow, apparently, had forged his father’s name.) This sentence, it will be observed, illustrates the periodic or suspended structure, a type particularly effective to employ for sustaining interest as well as for securing emphasis.

2. Failure to observe the order of climax. (Dazed, broken-hearted, hungry, the poor mother resumed her daily tasks.) Clearly, the strongest idea is suggested by “broken-hearted.”  A better order would be:  (Hungry, dazed, broken-hearted, the poor mother resumed her daily tasks.)

3. The use of superfluous words. (I rushed hurriedly into the burning house and hastily snatched my few possessions.) In this sentence, “rushed” and “snatched” lose rather than gain force by adding “hurriedly” and “hastily.”  Look up definitions of “rush” and “snatch.”  When we wish to express strong emotion or to describe action resulting from excitement, we only weaken the impression by using unnecessary words.  Simple, direct sentences are most forceful.  In aiming to secure sentence emphasis, then, we should avoid circumlocution, redundancy, tautology, and verbosity.  (Look up these terms in the Century Dictionary.)