Presently, after this I changed my condition into a married state, and my mercy was to light upon a wife whose father was counted godly.  Though we came together so poor that we had not so much household stuff as a dish or a spoon betwixt us both, yet she had two books which her father left her when he died:  “The Plain Man’s Pathway to Heaven,” and “The Practice of Piety.”  In these I sometimes read with her, and in them found some things that were pleasing to me, but met with no conviction.  Yet through these books I fell in very eagerly with the religion of the times, to wit, to go to church twice a day, though yet retaining my wicked life.  But one day, as I was standing at a neighbour’s shop-window, cursing after my wonted manner, the woman of the house protested that she was made to tremble to hear me, and told me I by thus doing was able to spoil all the youth in the whole town.

At this reproof I was put to shame, and that, too, as I thought, before the God of Heaven.  Hanging down my head, I wished with all my heart that I might be a little child again.  How it came to pass I know not, but I did from this time so leave off my swearing that it was a wonder to myself to observe it.  Soon afterwards I fell in company with one poor man that made profession of religion.  Falling into some liking to what he said, I betook me to my Bible, especially to the historical part.  Wherefore I fell to some outward reformation, and did strive to keep the commandments, and thus I continued about a year, all which time our neighbours wondered at seeing such an alteration in my life.  For though I was as yet nothing but a poor painted hypocrite, I loved to be talked of as one that was godly.  Yet, as my conscience was beginning to be tender, I after a time gave up bell-ringing and dancing, thinking I could thus the better please God.  But, poor wretch as I was, I was still ignorant of Jesus Christ, and was going about to establish my own righteousness.

But upon a day the good providence of God took me to Bedford, to work on my calling, and in that town I came on three or four poor women sitting at a door in the sun and talking about the things of God.  I listened in silence while they spoke of the new birth and the work of God on their hearts.  At this I felt my own heart began to shake, for their words convinced me that I wanted the true tokens of a godly man.  I now began to look into my Bible with new eyes, and became conscious of my lack of faith, and was often ready to sink with faintness in my mind, lest I should prove not to be an elect vessel of the mercy of God.  I was long vexed with fear, until one day a sweet light broke in upon me as I came on the words, “Yet there is room.”  Still I wavered many months between hopes and fears, though as to act of sinning I never was more tender than now.  I was more loathsome in my own eyes than a toad, and I thought I was so in God’s eyes, too.  I thought none but the devil could equalise me for inward wickedness; and thus I continued a long while, even some years together.  But afterwards the Lord did more fully and graciously discover Himself to me, and at length I was indeed put into my right mind, even as other Christians are.