“Didn’t I tell you, Erb, to stop up that extra ventilation ’ole with somethin’?—­and now look wot’s blown in.  ’Ere, steady on, ole man; that’s got to last four men for three days.”

“Well, I’m ——­,” chimed in another voice, “if the bloomin’ tin ain’t empty.  Why, I only just opened it—­that’s a ’ole Maconochie ’e’s got inside ‘im, not countin’ wot you’ve just....  Poor little beggar must be starvin’.  You’re welcome to stop and share our grub, young feller, but I’ve got to go on p’rade wiv that—­that’s a belt, that is....”

I turned towards the dimly lighted road that led to ——­ [Censored].  Dustbin had found a home.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  A fateful Session.

Sitting hen.  “Go away!  Don’t Hurry me!”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Inquiring Lady (ninety-ninth question).  “And what are you in the Navy, may I ask?”

Tar.  “I’M A FLAG-WAGGER, MARM—­YES.”

Inquiring Lady.  “OH, REALLY!  AND WHAT DO YOU WAG FLAGS FOR?”

Tar (in a ring-off voice).  “MAKIN’ READY FOR THE PEACE CELEBRATIONS.”]

* * * * *

THE MUDLARKS.

The scene is a School of Instruction at the back of the Western Front set in a valley of green meadows bordered by files of plumy poplars and threaded through by a silver ribbon of water.

On the lazy afternoon breeze come the concerted yells of a bayonet class, practising frightfulness further down the valley; also the staccato chatter of Lewis guns punching holes in the near hill-side.

In the centre of one meadow is a turf manege.  In the centre of the manege stands the villain of the piece, the Riding-Master.

He wears a crown on his sleeve, tight breeches, jack-boots, vicious spurs and sable moustachios.  His right hand toys with a long, long whip, his left with his sable moustachios.  He looks like DIAVOLO, the lion-tamer, about to put his man-eating chums through hoops of fire.

His victims, a dozen Infantry officers, circle slowly round the manege.  They are mounted on disillusioned cavalry horses who came out with WELLINGTON and know a thing or two.  Now and again they wink at the Riding-Master and he winks back at them.

The audience consists of an ancient Gaul in picturesque blue pants, whose metier is to totter round the meadows brushing flies off a piebald cow; the School Padre, who keeps at long range so that he may see the sport without hearing the language, and ten little gamins, who have been splashing in the silver stream and are now sitting drying on the bank like ten little toads.

They come every afternoon, for never have they seen such fun, never since the great days before the War when the circus with the boxing kangaroo and the educated porks came to town.