The Trunk of the Tree was mark’d with his own Name, Will Maple.  Out of the Side of it grew a large barren Branch, Inscribed Mary Maple, the Name of his unhappy Wife.  The Head was adorned with five huge Boughs.  On the Bottom of the first was written in Capital Characters Kate Cole, who branched out into three Sprigs, viz.  William, Richard, and Rebecca.  Sal Twiford gave Birth to another Bough, that shot up into Sarah, Tom, Will, and Frank.  The third Arm of the Tree had only a single Infant in it, with a Space left for a second, the Parent from whom it sprung being near her Time when the Author took this Ingenious Device into his Head.  The two other great Boughs were very plentifully loaden with Fruit of the same kind; besides which there were many Ornamental Branches that did not bear.  In short, a more flourishing Tree never came out of the Heralds Office.

What makes this Generation of Vermin so very prolifick, is the indefatigable Diligence with which they apply themselves to their Business.  A Man does not undergo more Watchings and Fatigues in a Campaign, than in the Course of a vicious Amour.  As it is said of some Men, that they make their Business their Pleasure, these Sons of Darkness may be said to make their Pleasure their Business.  They might conquer their corrupt Inclinations with half the Pains they are at in gratifying them.

Nor is the Invention of these Men less to be admired than their Industry or Vigilance.  There is a Fragment of Apollodorus the Comick Poet (who was Contemporary with Menander) which is full of Humour as follows:  Thou mayest shut up thy Doors, says he, with Bars and Bolts:  It will be impossible for the Blacksmith to make them so fast, but a Cat and a Whoremaster will find a Way through them.  In a word, there is no Head so full of Stratagems as that of a Libidinous Man.

Were I to propose a Punishment for this infamous Race of Propagators, it should be to send them, after the second or third Offence, into our American Colonies, in order to people those Parts of her Majesty’s Dominions where there is a want of Inhabitants, and in the Phrase of Diogenes, to Plant Men.  Some Countries punish this Crime with Death; but I think such a Banishment would be sufficient, and might turn this generative Faculty to the Advantage of the Publick.

In the mean time, till these Gentlemen may be thus disposed of, I would earnestly exhort them to take Care of those unfortunate Creatures whom they have brought into the World by these indirect Methods, and to give their spurious Children such an Education as may render them more virtuous than their Parents.  This is the best Atonement they can make for their own Crimes, and indeed the only Method that is left them to repair their past Mis-carriages.