’Friend, I take it in good Part that thou hast given me the Authority of a Father over this comely and virtuous Child; and I must assure thee, that if I have the giving her, I shall not bestow her on thee.  Thy Mirth, Friend, savoureth of Folly:  Thou art a Person of a light Mind; thy Drum is a Type of thee, it soundeth because it is empty.  Verily, it is not from thy Fullness, but thy Emptiness that thou hast spoken this Day.  Friend, Friend, we have hired this Coach in Partnership with thee, to carry us to the great City; we cannot go any other Way.  This worthy Mother must hear thee if thou wilt needs utter thy Follies; we cannot help it, Friend, I say:  if thou wilt we must hear thee:  But if thou wert a Man of Understanding, thou wouldst not take Advantage of thy courageous Countenance to abash us Children of Peace.  Thou art, thou sayest, a Soldier; give Quarter to us, who cannot resist thee.  Why didst thou fleer at our Friend, who feigned himself asleep? he [said [2]] nothing:  but how dost thou know what he containeth?  If thou speakest improper things in the hearing of this virtuous young Virgin, consider it is an Outrage against a distressed Person that cannot get from thee:  To speak indiscreetly what we are obliged to hear, by being hasped up with thee in this publick Vehicle, is in some Degree assaulting on the high Road.’

Here Ephraim paused, and the Captain with an happy and uncommon Impudence (which can be convicted and support it self at the same time) cries,

’Faith, Friend, I thank thee; I should have been a little impertinent if thou hadst not reprimanded me.  Come, thou art, I see, a smoaky old Fellow, and I’ll be very orderly the ensuing Part of the Journey.  I was [going [3]] to give my self Airs, but, Ladies, I beg Pardon.’

The Captain was so little out of Humour, and our Company was so far from being sowered by this little Ruffle, that Ephraim and he took a particular Delight in being agreeable to each other for the future; and assumed their different Provinces in the Conduct of the Company.  Our Reckonings, Apartments, and Accommodation, fell under Ephraim: and the Captain looked to all Disputes on the Road, as the good Behaviour of our Coachman, and the Right we had of taking Place as going to London of all Vehicles coming from thence.  The Occurrences we met with were ordinary, and very little happened which could entertain by the Relation of them:  But when I consider’d the Company we were in, I took it for no small good Fortune that the whole Journey was not spent in Impertinences, which to one Part of us might be an Entertainment, to the other a Suffering.

What therefore Ephraim said when we were almost arriv’d at London, had to me an Air not only of good Understanding but good Breeding.  Upon the young Lady’s expressing her Satisfaction in the Journey, and declaring how delightful it had been to her, Ephraim declared himself as follows: