Oyl and Vinegar to such an Earl, three Quarts to my new Lord for wetting his Title, and so forth.  It is a Thing too notorious to mention the Crowds of Servants, and their Insolence, near the Courts of Justice, and the Stairs towards the Supreme Assembly, where there is an universal Mockery of all Order, such riotous Clamour and licentious Confusion, that one would think the whole Nation lived in Jest, and there were no such thing as Rule and Distinction among us.

The next Place of Resort, wherein the servile World are let loose, is at the Entrance of Hide-Park, while the Gentry are at the Ring.  Hither People bring their Lacqueys out of State, and here it is that all they say at their Tables, and act in their Houses, is communicated to the whole Town.  There are Men of Wit in all Conditions of Life; and mixing with these People at their Diversions, I have heard Coquets and Prudes as well rallied, and Insolence and Pride exposed, (allowing for their want of Education) with as much Humour and good Sense, as in the politest Companies.  It is a general Observation, That all Dependants run in some measure into the Manners and Behaviour of those whom they serve:  You shall frequently meet with Lovers and Men of Intrigue among the Lacqueys, as well as at White’s [2] or in the Side-Boxes.  I remember some Years ago an Instance of this Kind.  A Footman to a Captain of the Guard used frequently, when his Master was out of the Way, to carry on Amours and make Assignations in his Master’s Cloaths.  The Fellow had a very good Person, and there are very many Women that think no further than the Outside of a Gentleman:  besides which, he was almost as learned a Man as the Colonel himself:  I say, thus qualified, the Fellow could scrawl Billets-doux so well, and furnish a Conversation on the common Topicks, that he had, as they call it, a great deal of good Business on his Hands.  It happened one Day, that coming down a Tavern-Stairs in his Master’s fine Guard-Coat, with a well-dress’d Woman masked, he met the Colonel coming up with other Company; but with a ready Assurance he quitted his Lady, came up to him, and said, Sir, I know you have too much Respect for yourself to cane me in this honourable Habit:  But you see there is a Lady in the Case, and I hope on that Score also you will put off your Anger till I have told you all another time. After a little Pause the Colonel cleared up his Countenance, and with an Air of Familiarity whispered his Man apart, Sirrah, bring the Lady with you to ask Pardon for you; then aloud, Look to it, Will, I’ll never forgive you else. The Fellow went back to his Mistress, and telling her with a loud Voice and an Oath, That was the honestest Fellow in the World, convey’d her to an Hackney-Coach.

But the many Irregularities committed by Servants in the Places above-mentioned, as well as in the Theatres, of which Masters are generally the Occasions, are too various not to need being resumed on another Occasion.