I am, Sir,
Your humble Servant,
S—­r.

  Mr.  SPECTATOR,

I was a wealthy Grocer in the City, and as fortunate as diligent; but I was a single Man, and you know there are Women.  One in particular came to my Shop, who I wished might, but was afraid never would, make a Grocer’s Wife.  I thought, however, to take an effectual Way of Courting, and sold to her at less Price than I bought, that I might buy at less Price than I sold.  She, you may be sure, often came, and helped me to many Customers at the same Rate, fancying I was obliged to her.  You must needs think this was a good living Trade, and my Riches must be vastly improved.  In fine, I was nigh being declared Bankrupt, when I declared my self her Lover, and she herself married.  I was just in a Condition to support my self, and am now in Hopes of growing rich by losing my Customers.

  Yours,

  Jeremy Comfit.

  Mr.  SPECTATOR,

I am in the Condition of the Idol you was once pleased to mention, and Bar-keeper of a Coffee-house.  I believe it is needless to tell you the Opportunities I must give, and the Importunities I suffer.  But there is one Gentleman who besieges me as close as the French did Bouchain.  His Gravity makes him work cautious, and his regular Approaches denote a good Engineer.  You need not doubt of his Oratory, as he is a Lawyer; and especially since he has had so little Use of it at Westminster, he may spare the more for me.

What then can weak Woman do?  I am willing to surrender, but he would have it at Discretion, and I with Discretion.  In the mean time, whilst we parly, our several Interests are neglected.  As his Siege grows stronger, my Tea grows weaker; and while he pleads at my Bar, none come to him for Counsel but in Forma Pauperis.  Dear Mr. SPECTATOR, advise him not to insist upon hard Articles, nor by his irregular Desires contradict the well-meaning Lines of his Countenance.  If we were agreed we might settle to something, as soon as we could determine where we should get most, by the Law, at the Coffee-house, or at Westminster.

  Your humble Servant,

  Lucinda Parly.

  A Minuit from Mr.  John Sly.

The World is pretty regular for about forty Rod East, and ten West of the Observatory of the said Mr. Sly; but he is credibly informed, that when they are got beyond the Pass into the Strand, or those who move City-ward are got within Temple-Bar, they are just as they were before.  It is there-fore humbly proposed that Moving-Centries may be appointed all the busy Hours of the Day between the Exchange and Westminster, and report what passes to your Honour, or your subordinate Officers, from Time to Time.

Ordered,

That Mr. Sly name the said Officers, provided he will answer for their
Principles and Morals.