for a very hearty Laughter.—­Nay, says he, I knew you would Laugh at me, but I’ll ask your Father. He did so; the Father received his Intelligence with no less Joy than Surprize, and was very glad he had now no Care left but for his Beauty, which he thought he could carry to Market at his Leisure.  I do not know any thing that has pleased me so much a great while, as this Conquest of my Friend Daphne’s.  All her Acquaintance congratulate her upon her Chance.  Medley, and laugh at that premeditating Murderer her Sister.  As it is an Argument of a light Mind, to think the worse of our selves for the Imperfections of our Persons, it is equally below us to value our selves upon the Advantages of them.  The Female World seem to be almost incorrigibly gone astray in this Particular; for which Reason, I shall recommend the following Extract out of a Friend’s Letter to the Profess’d Beauties, who are a People almost as unsufferable as the Profess’d Wits.

Monsieur St. Evremont [1] has concluded one of his Essays, with affirming that the last Sighs of a Handsome Woman are not so much for the loss of her Life, as of her Beauty.  Perhaps this Raillery is pursued too far, yet it is turn’d upon a very obvious Remark, that Woman’s strongest Passion is for her own Beauty, and that she values it as her Favourite Distinction.  From hence it is that all Arts, which pretend to improve or preserve it, meet with so general a Reception among the Sex.  To say nothing of many False Helps and Contraband Wares of Beauty, which are daily vended in this great Mart, there is not a Maiden-Gentlewoman, of a good Family in any County of South-Britain, who has not heard of the Virtues of May-Dew, or is unfurnished with some Receipt or other in Favour of her Complexion; and I have known a Physician of Learning and Sense, after Eight Years Study in the University, and a Course of Travels into most Countries of Europe, owe the first raising of his Fortunes to a Cosmetick Wash.

This has given me Occasion to consider how so Universal a Disposition in Womankind, which springs from a laudable Motive, the Desire of Pleasing, and proceeds upon an Opinion, not altogether groundless, that Nature may be helped by Art, may be turn’d to their Advantage.  And, methinks, it would be an acceptable Service to take them out of the Hands of Quacks and Pretenders, and to prevent their imposing upon themselves, by discovering to them the true Secret and Art of improving Beauty.

  In order to this, before I touch upon it directly, it will be
  necessary to lay down a few Preliminary Maxims, viz.

    That no Woman can be Handsome by the Force of Features alone, any
    more than she can be Witty only by the Help of Speech.

    That Pride destroys all Symmetry and Grace, and Affectation is a
    more terrible Enemy to fine Faces than the Small-Pox.