“The most carefully conceived plans, when put into practice, are apt to discover unforeseen defects.  My elaborate plan for the capture of burglars was no exception to the rule.  The idea of employing palpably dishonest servants to act as decoy ducks to lure the burglars on to the premises was an excellent one and had fully answered my expectations.  But it had a defect which I had overlooked.  The burglars themselves, when reduced to a condition suitable for exhibition in a show-case, were entirely innocuous.  There was no danger of their making any indiscreet statements.  But with the servants—­female servants, too—­it was quite otherwise.  From the shelter of my roof they had gone forth to sow distrust and suspicion in quarters where perfect confidence and trustfulness should prevail.  It was a most unfortunate oversight.  Now, when it was too late, I saw clearly that they ought never to have left me.  I ought to have added them to the collection, too.

“The evil results of the mistake soon became apparent.  I had replaced the late cook and housemaid by two women of quite unimpeachable dishonesty, of whom I had, naturally, great hopes.  But nothing happened.  I let them handle the plate freely, I gave them the key of the safe from time to time, I brushed the sham diamond pendants and bracelets under their very noses, and still there was no result.  It is true that the silver spoons dwindled in number and that a stray candlestick or salt-cellar would now and again ‘report absent’; that the tradesmen’s bills were preposterous and that the tea consumed in a week would have impaired the digestion of a Lodge of Good Templars.  But that was all.  No aspirant for museum honors made his appearance.  The concussor became dusty with disuse; the safe in the dining-room remained neglected and untouched, and as for the burglar alarm, I had to stand on it myself at stated intervals to keep it in working order.

“I had already resolved to get rid of those two women when they saved me the trouble.  I directed them to accompany me to the laboratory to clean out the furnace, whereat they both turned pale and flatly refused; and I saw them half an hour later secretly handing their boxes up the area steps to a man with a barrow.  Obviously someone had told them something of my methods.

“The cook and housemaid who succeeded them were jail-birds pure and simple.  They were dirty, dishonest, lazy and occasionally drunk.  But for their actual function they were quite useless.  They drank my whiskey, they devoured and distributed my provisions, they stole my portable property, and once, when I had incautiously left the door unfastened, I caught them browsing round the museum; but they brought no grist to my mill.

“It is true that during their reign I had one visitor, a scurvy little wry-faced knave who sneaked in through the scullery window; but I think he had no connection with them or he would have entered by some more convenient route and have used a false key instead of a jimmy to open the safe.  He was a wretched little creature and his capture quite uninteresting; for, when he had bitten me twice, he crumpled up like a rag doll and I carried him to the tank as if he had been a monkey.