“These manoeuvres were repeated a quite incredible number of times.  The man must have been an abject blockhead, as I believe most professional criminals are.  His lack of observation was astounding.  It is true that he began to be surprised and rather bewildered.  He even noted that ‘there seemed a bloomin’ lot of ’em;’ and the quality of his arithmetical feats and his verbal enrichments became, alike, increasingly lurid.  I believe he would have gone on until daylight if I had not tried him too often with a Queen Anne teapot.  It was that teapot, with its conspicuous urn design, that finally disillusioned him.  I had just returned from putting it back in the chest for the third time when he missed it; and he announced the discovery with a profusion of perfectly unnecessary and highly inappropriate adjectives.

“‘Naa, then!’ he exclaimed truculently, ’where’s that blimy teapot gone to?  Hay?  I put that there teapot down inside that there hontry-dish—­and where’s the bloomin’ hontry?  Bust me if that ain’t gone to!’

“He stood by the table scratching his bristly head and looking the picture of ludicrous bewilderment.  I watched him and meanwhile debated whether or not I should take the opportunity to knock him down.  That was undoubtedly the proper course.  But I could not bring myself to do it.  A spirit of wild mischief possessed me; a strange, unnatural buoyancy and fierce playfulness that impelled me to play insane, fantastic tricks.  It was a singular phenomenon.  I seemed suddenly to have made the acquaintance of a hitherto unknown moiety of a dual personality.

“The burglar stood awhile, muttering idiotically, and then shuffled off to the pantry.  I followed him out into the dark hall and, taking my stand behind a curtain, awaited his return.  He came back presently, and, by the glimmer of light from the open door, I could see that he had the teapot and the ‘hontry.’  Now some previous tenant had fitted the dining-room door with two external bolts; I cannot imagine why; but the present circumstances suggested a use for them.  As soon as the burglar was inside, I crept forward and quietly shut the door, shooting the top bolt.

“That roused my friend.  He rushed at the door and shook it like a madman; he cursed with incredible fluency and addressed me in terms which it would be inadequate to describe as rude.  Then I silently shot the bottom bolt and noisily drew back the top one.  He thought I had unbolted the door, and when he found that I had not, his language became indescribable.

“There was a second door to the dining-room also opening into the hall at the farther end.  My captive seemed suddenly to remember this, for he made a rush for it.  But so did I; and, the hall being unobstructed by furniture, I got there first and shot the top bolt.  He wrenched frantically at the handle and addressed me with strange and unseemly epithets.  I repeated the manoeuvre of pretending to unbolt the door, and smiled as I heard him literally dancing with frenzy inside.  It seemed highly amusing at the time, though now, viewed retrospectively, it looks merely silly.