You ask my opinion in regard to the point of disagreement between you and your semi-fiance.  To much that you say I agree.  You have carved a name and a place for yourself in the world.  Your lectures, and your books, have made your name familiar to many people.  Your lover is unknown to the public, a man in the private walks of life.  Therefore you think if he loves you as he should to become your husband, he ought to give up his own name and take yours, or at least add yours to his own.  You assure me it is merely a matter of habit, that women have obliterated themselves on the altar of marriage, and that it is time a new order was instituted.  You think the hour calls for pioneers to establish new boundaries, in a new world where woman will be allowed to keep her individuality after marriage.  Meantime your lover does not feel that you really love him, when you ask him to take this somewhat radical step for your sake, or for the sake of all women, as you put it.

And there you both stand, with only this ridiculous barrier between you and happiness.

You are still influenced by the intellectual drug, and it hinders your heart from following out its best impulses.  You have not yet learned more than the A B C of love, or you would know that the greatest happiness in loving lies in sacrifice.  To take and not give, to gain something and give up nothing, is not loving.  Now I think I hear you saying, “But why should not my lover give this proof of devotion as well as I?  Why should not he be ready to sacrifice a tradition, and a name, to please me?  Why am I more unloving, or selfish, than he, to refuse to give up my name?”

My answer follows.

Any woman who asks a man to give up his name and take hers (unless some great legal matter which involves the property rights of others hangs on so doing) asks him to make himself ridiculous in the eyes of the world.  She indicates, also, that her family name and her own achievements are dearer to her than his.  No woman loves a man enough to be happy as his wife, if he is not dearer to her than any mere personal success, however great.

The man who asks a woman to take his name obeys a tradition and a custom, to be sure, and the woman who accepts it does not display any especially heroic trait.  Therefore, what you demand of your lover is a far greater proof of devotion than what he asks of you.  No woman who fully understood the meaning of love could ask this of her future husband.  If he occupied the place in her life which a husband should, no matter what were her personal attainments, she would glory in adding his name to her own, and in having its shelter to hide under at times from the glare of publicity.

Should you choose to keep your name Maria Owens with no addition, for your lectures and your books, it is quite probable your husband would not object.  And again, if your achievements are worth the thought you give them in this matter, they are great enough to endure even should you add the name of Chester to that of Owens.  But certainly, if you love the man you think of marrying, you will be happy in the thought of wearing his name legally and socially in every-day life, and the sight of a card engraved, “Mrs. Rupert Chester,” will give your heart a sweeter thrill than it has ever known in connection with the newspaper notices of Maria Owens.