so it is, that for sundry years together he saw a
most pitiful havoc, desolation, and destruction made
amongst the sprouts, shootings, buds, blossoms, and
scions of the vines by hoary frost, dank fogs, hot
mists, unseasonable colds, chill blasts, thick hail,
and other calamitous chances of foul weather, happening,
as he thought, by the dismal inauspiciousness of the
holy days of St. George, St. Mary, St. Paul, St. Eutrope,
Holy Rood, the Ascension, and other festivals, in that
time when the sun passeth under the sign of Taurus;
and thereupon harboured in his mind this opinion,
that the afore-named saints were Saint Hail-flingers,
Saint Frost-senders, Saint Fog-mongers, and Saint Spoilers
of the Vine-buds. For which cause he went about
to have transmitted their feasts from the spring to
the winter, to be celebrated between Christmas and
Epiphany, so the mother of the three kings called it,
allowing them with all honour and reverence the liberty
then to freeze, hail, and rain as much as they would;
for that he knew that at such a time frost was rather
profitable than hurtful to the vine-buds, and in their
steads to have placed the festivals of St. Christopher,
St. John the Baptist, St. Magdalene, St. Anne, St.
Domingo, and St. Lawrence; yea, and to have gone so
far as to collocate and transpose the middle of August
in and to the beginning of May, because during the
whole space of their solemnity there was so little
danger of hoary frosts and cold mists, that no artificers
are then held in greater request than the afforders
of refrigerating inventions, makers of junkets, fit
disposers of cooling shades, composers of green arbours,
and refreshers of wine.
Jupiter, said Rondibilis, forgot the poor devil Cuckoldry,
who was then in the court at Paris very eagerly soliciting
a peddling suit at law for one of his vassals and
tenants. Within some few days thereafter, I have
forgot how many, when he got full notice of the trick
which in his absence was done unto him, he instantly
desisted from prosecuting legal processes in the behalf
of others, full of solicitude to pursue after his own
business, lest he should be foreclosed, and thereupon
he appeared personally at the tribunal of the great
Jupiter, displayed before him the importance of his
preceding merits, together with the acceptable services
which in obedience to his commandments he had formerly
performed; and therefore in all humility begged of
him that he would be pleased not to leave him alone
amongst all the sacred potentates, destitute and void
of honour, reverence, sacrifices, and festival ceremonies.
To this petition Jupiter’s answer was excusatory,
that all the places and offices of his house were bestowed.
Nevertheless, so importuned was he by the continual
supplications of Monsieur Cuckoldry, that he, in fine,
placed him in the rank, list, roll, rubric, and catalogue,
and appointed honours, sacrifices, and festival rites
to be observed on earth in great devotion, and tendered