to fatten them! By my beard, they are competently
scurvy for such a city as this is; for a cow with
one fart would go near to overthrow above six fathoms
of them. O my friend, said Pantagruel, dost
thou know what Agesilaus said when he was asked why
the great city of Lacedaemon was not enclosed with
walls? Lo here, said he, the walls of the city!
in showing them the inhabitants and citizens thereof,
so strong, so well armed, and so expert in military
discipline; signifying thereby that there is no wall
but of bones, and that towns and cities cannot have
a surer wall nor better fortification than the prowess
and virtue of the citizens and inhabitants. So
is this city so strong, by the great number of warlike
people that are in it, that they care not for making
any other walls. Besides, whosoever would go
about to wall it, as Strasbourg, Orleans, or Ferrara,
would find it almost impossible, the cost and charges
would be so excessive. Yea but, said Panurge,
it is good, nevertheless, to have an outside of stone
when we are invaded by our enemies, were it but to
ask, Who is below there? As for the enormous
expense which you say would be needful for undertaking
the great work of walling this city about, if the
gentlemen of the town will be pleased to give me a
good rough cup of wine, I will show them a pretty,
strange, and new way, how they may build them good
cheap. How? said Pantagruel. Do not speak
of it then, answered Panurge, and I will tell it you.
I see that the sine quo nons, kallibistris, or contrapunctums
of the women of this country are better cheap than
stones. Of them should the walls be built, ranging
them in good symmetry by the rules of architecture,
and placing the largest in the first ranks, then sloping
downwards ridge-wise, like the back of an ass.
The middle-sized ones must be ranked next, and last
of all the least and smallest. This done, there
must be a fine little interlacing of them, like points
of diamonds, as is to be seen in the great tower of
Bourges, with a like number of the nudinnudos, nilnisistandos,
and stiff bracmards, that dwell in amongst the claustral
codpieces. What devil were able to overthrow
such walls? There is no metal like it to resist
blows, in so far that, if culverin-shot should come
to graze upon it, you would incontinently see distil
from thence the blessed fruit of the great pox as
small as rain. Beware, in the name of the devils,
and hold off. Furthermore, no thunderbolt or
lightning would fall upon it. For why?
They are all either blest or consecrated. I see
but one inconveniency in it. Ho, ho, ha, ha,
ha! said Pantagruel, and what is that? It is,
that the flies would be so liquorish of them that you
would wonder, and would quickly gather there together,
and there leave their ordure and excretions, and so
all the work would be spoiled. But see how that
might be remedied: they must be wiped and made
rid of the flies with fair foxtails, or great good
viedazes, which are ass-pizzles, of Provence.
And to this purpose I will tell you, as we go to
supper, a brave example set down by Frater Lubinus,
Libro de compotationibus mendicantium.