Then came the sad pageantry of death, the weeping of friends, the dark rooms, the ghostly stillness, the exhortation to the living to prepare for death, the solemn prayer, the mournful chant, the funeral cortege, the solemn, tolling bell, the burial.  How I suffered during those sad days!  What strange undefined fears of the unknown took possession of me!  For months afterward, at the twilight hour, I went with my father to the new-made grave.  Near it stood two tall poplar trees, against one of which I leaned, while my father threw himself on the grave, with outstretched arms, as if to embrace his child.  At last the frosts and storms of November came and threw a chilling barrier between the living and the dead, and we went there no more.

During all this time I kept up my lessons at the parsonage and made rapid progress.  I surprised even my teacher, who thought me capable of doing anything.  I learned to drive, and to leap a fence and ditch on horseback.  I taxed every power, hoping some day to hear my father say:  “Well, a girl is as good as a boy, after all.”  But he never said it.  When the doctor came over to spend the evening with us, I would whisper in his ear:  “Tell my father how fast I get on,” and he would tell him, and was lavish in his praises.  But my father only paced the room, sighed, and showed that he wished I were a boy; and I, not knowing why he felt thus, would hide my tears of vexation on the doctor’s shoulder.

Soon after this I began to study Latin, Greek, and mathematics with a class of boys in the Academy, many of whom were much older than I. For three years one boy kept his place at the head of the class, and I always stood next.  Two prizes were offered in Greek.  I strove for one and took the second.  How well I remember my joy in receiving that prize.  There was no sentiment of ambition, rivalry, or triumph over my companions, nor feeling of satisfaction in receiving this honor in the presence of those assembled on the day of the exhibition.  One thought alone filled my mind.  “Now,” said I, “my father will be satisfied with me.”  So, as soon as we were dismissed, I ran down the hill, rushed breathless into his office, laid the new Greek Testament, which was my prize, on his table and exclaimed:  “There, I got it!” He took up the book, asked me some questions about the class, the teachers, the spectators, and, evidently pleased, handed it back to me.  Then, while I stood looking and waiting for him to say something which would show that he recognized the equality of the daughter with the son, he kissed me on the forehead and exclaimed, with a sigh, “Ah, you should have been a boy!”