DRISCOLL
What’s the matter?

DEVLIN
We want you to spell “introducing.”

DRISCOLL (wiping a pint measure)
With pleasure. (Confidently) i-n-t-u-r-d-e-w-c-i-n-g.

DEVLIN
Are you sure that is right?

DRISCOLL
Of course I am.  What do you think I went to school
for?

DEVLIN Very well, I’ll take your word for it.  But stay here awhile, because we may want your assistance soon again.  This is an important matter, and we must give all our attention to it.  I have the honor and likewise the unprecedented and the great pleasure of introducing to you a cousin of my own on my mother’s side, one Barney Falvey.  He is a man of many and n-e-w-m-e-r-o-w-s. (To Driscoll) Isn’t that right?

DRISCOLL
That’s all right.  Proceed.

DEVLIN —­numerous a-c-o-m-p-l-i-s-h-m-e-n-t-s.  That sounds wrong, doesn’t it?

DRISCOLL
It sounds wrong, but let it go.  No one will ever notice
the mistake, when we can’t find it out ourselves.

DEVLIN He has an i-n-g-a-n-o-s turn of mind, and can do all kinds of hard or easy work.  He can p-l-o-w a field, milk a cow, mind childer, and make nearly every thing from a bird cage, a mousetrap, or a snuff box, to a coffin.  He is w-i-l-i-n, o-b-l-i-g-i-n, and can put up with all kinds of abuse.  He can look i-n-o-s-c-e-n-t or guilty, as the occasion may require and will, I’m sure, and certain, taking his accomplishments all round, prove to be the very man you are lookin’ for to fill the v-a-k-a-n-c-y in your highly respected e-s-t-a-b-1-i-shment.  Anythin’ you can do for him will be considered a personal f-a-v-o-u-r by your old and e-s-t-e-a-m-ed friend,

Garret Devlin.

[He reads it over again aloud.

“Deadwoman’s Hill,
Goulnaspurra.

“Dear Mr. Cassily: 

“I have the honour and likewise the unprecedented and great pleasure of introducin’ to you a cousin of my own on my mother’s side, one Barney Falvey.  He is a man of many parts and numerous accomplishments.  He has an ingenious turn of mind and can do all kinds of hard and easy work.  He can plow a field, milk a cow, mind childer, and make nearly everythin’ from a bird cage, a mousetrap, or a snuff box, to a coffin.  He is willin’ and obligin’ and can put up with all kinds of abuse.  He can look innocent or guilty as the occasion may require, and will, I am certain and confident, taking his accomplishments all round, prove to be the very man you are lookin’ for to fill the vacancy in your highly respected establishment.  Anythin’ that you can do for him will be considered a personal favour by your old and esteemed friend,

“Garret Devlin.”

That’s a great letter.  Be God, sure ’twould nearly get the job for myself.  But it would never do for one of my social standin’ to take such a position in this town.

FALVEY ’Tis a great thing to be able to put so many words together on paper.  And ’tis the wonderful gift to have surely.  A man that could write like you should be a secretary to the Lord Lieutenant himself, or writin’ sermons for the Pope of Rome.