This necessitates control of the birth-rate, for a baby every year means a too-hurried emptying of the mother’s arms.  But I disagree—­very diffidently—­with the majority of my friends and acquaintances who hold that the right and best method is the use of contraceptives.  I do not think it the best; I do not think it ideal.  Unlike some authorities who must be heard with respect, I can say with confidence that some of the noblest, happiest and most romantic marriages I know base their control of conception not on contraceptives but on abstinence.  They are not prigs, they are not asexual, they do not drift apart, and they have no harsh criticism to make on those who have decided otherwise.  These are facts, and it is useless to ignore them.

On the other hand, it is equally true that sometimes such an attempt at self-control leads to nervous strain, irritability and alienation.  These also are facts.

Personally, I would submit marital relations to the two tests I have proposed, and add that we have succeeded in oversexing ourselves to an extent which cannot be ignored; that we have “repressed” till we are obsessed; and that, before we right ourselves, we shall have to make many experiments, try many roads, and suffer many things.  It is then above all necessary that we be very gentle to one another and even a little patient with ourselves.  I conceive it much better to use contraceptives than to bear unwanted children; I conceive it also better to use them than to be cruel to others or become neurotic oneself; but that it is the ideal I do not believe.

XI

COMMON-SENSE AND DIVORCE LAW REFORM

     “Those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder.”

In view of what I have said[I] about our marriage and divorce laws, several people have asked what I should actually propose in the way of reform, and I am glad to take the opportunity of a new edition briefly to answer this question.

[Footnote I:  See Chapter V.]

I do not wish to see reform take the line of a longer list of “causes” for divorce, such, for example, as drunkenness, insanity, imprisonment for life, and so on.  I should prefer to abolish these lists altogether, and to bring all divorce cases under some form of “equitable jurisdiction,” each case being decided on its merits.

It should be the business of the court to decide whether the marriage desired to be invalidated has in actual fact any validity or reality at all; and to declare the couple divorced if it has not.  In such courts men and women (or a man and a woman) should act together as judges.