Once understood, it becomes easier to understand also the startling successes and disastrous failures which attend the remarkable practice of “teaching a woman to love after she is married.”  The extent to which social tabus and prudery may actually inhibit a woman’s natural sexual development makes it possible, as we have seen, for her to marry in ignorance of what marriage implies.  When this happens, her love, though it may be noble, altruistic and spiritual, does not involve her whole nature.  Her husband, if he respects her sufficiently, will be able to awaken that which sleeps, and in accordance with the undoubted truth that expression intensifies love, he does “teach her to love” him not only in one sense but in all.

On the other hand, if she does not already love him, he will not succeed in “teaching” her anything but disgust if he dreams that by compelling physical union he can create spiritual union.

Evidently it is a singularly dangerous attempt!  It is to be hoped that in future no woman will run such risks out of ignorance, but that lovers will, before they marry, understand what each expects, what each desires to give, and at least start fair.

This is no less important with regard to other matters in which marriages are often wrecked.  Surely people who propose to spend their lives together ought to know (for example) whether children are desired and whether many or few; and what the attitude of either is on the vexed subject of birth control.  Imagine the case of a husband who thinks the use of contraceptives right and wishes to use them; and a wife who thinks them absolutely wrong and, being warned by the doctor that she must not have more children, cheerfully, and with perfect conviction that she is acting nobly, invites her husband to run the risk of causing her death!  Yet I have known such cases.

I do not enter into the question of birth control, because it has been and is being discussed much more freely than in the past, and by married people who are much better able to estimate the difficulties and advantages on either side of the question than any unmarried person can possibly be.  Since, however, I am continually asked at least to give my personal opinion, for what it is worth, and since it is true that I have heard a good deal (on both sides) from those who are married, I will say briefly that it seems to me of supreme importance (1) that every child that is born should be desired, and (2) that no mother’s time and strength should be so far overtaxed as to prevent her giving to each child all the love and individual care that it requires.