my return to normality should have been continuous and diminishing.  Instead, it was kept violently fluctuating—­or at least its fluctuations were aggravated—­by the impositions of those in charge of me, induced sometimes, I freely admit, by deliberate and purposeful transgressions of my own.  My condition during my three weeks of exile just ended, had been, if anything, one of milder excitement than that which had obtained previously during the first seven weeks of my period of elation.  And my condition during the two weeks I now remained in the best ward in the State Hospital was not different from my condition during the preceding three weeks of torture, or the succeeding three weeks of abuse and privation, except in so far as a difference was occasioned by the torture and privation themselves.

Though I had long intended to effect reforms in existing methods of treatment, my reckless desire to investigate violent wards did not possess me until I myself had experienced the torture of continued confinement in one such ward before coming to this state institution.  It was simple to deduce that if one could suffer such abuses as I had while a patient in a private institution—­nay, in two private institutions—­brutality must exist in a state hospital also.  Thus it was that I entered the State Hospital with a firm resolve to inspect personally every type of ward, good and bad.

But I was in no hurry to begin.  My recent experience had exhausted me, and I wished to regain strength before subjecting myself to another such ordeal.  This desire to recuperate controlled my conduct for a while, but its influence gradually diminished as life became more and more monotonous.  I soon found the good ward entirely too polite.  I craved excitement—­action.  And I determined to get it regardless of consequences; though I am free to confess I should not have had the courage to proceed with my plan had I known what was in store for me.

About this time my conservator called to see me.  Of course, I told him all about my cruel experiences at the private institution.  My account surprised and distressed him.  I also told him that I knew for a fact that similar conditions existed at the State Hospital, as I had heard convincing rumors to that effect.  He urged me to behave myself and remain in the ward where I was, which ward, as I admitted, was all that one could desire—­provided one had schooled himself to desire that sort of thing.

The fact that I was under lock and key and behind what were virtually prison bars in no way gave me a sense of helplessness.  I firmly believed that I should find it easy to effect my escape and reach home for the Thanksgiving Day celebration.  And, furthermore, I knew that, should I reach home, I should not be denied my portion of the good things to eat before being returned to the hospital.  Being under the spell of an intense desire to investigate the violent ward, I concluded that the time for action