it that we “may grow thereby,” not from mere spiritual voluptuousness; and, oh, in my own desires for the will of God to be done, how often have I not known what spirit I was of!  How often have I been tenaciously standing on the very ground that I was asking to have broken up and destroyed!  A short lone meeting in the parlor, blest chiefly with humiliation, and this I would regard as a blessing.

  Letter to ——.

I am tempted to spend a few lonely minutes in thanking thee for thy truly kind salutation, advice, and encouragement; though I fear to say much in reply.  I hope and trust thou art not altogether mistaken in me:  in one respect I know thou art not,—­that I have seen of the mercy and love of a long-suffering Saviour, whom I do at times desire to love and serve with all my heart; and not the least of His blessings I esteem it that any of His children should care for me for His sake.  I dread depending on any, even of these, which, as well as the fear of man, I have found does bring a snare; and as far as experience goes, I seem to have tasted more of the “tree of the knowledge of good and evil” than of the “tree of life;” which, however, I would fain hope, “yielding its fruit every month,” has some for the wintry season of darkness and of frost.  Yes, my dear friend, thou hast rightly judged in this also, that the winter is sometimes very cold, and the night very dark.  May thy desires for me be accomplished, that these may indeed work for my good; much as the utter absence of feeling would sometimes tempt me to think it the result of that worst of all sentences, “Let her alone;” to which the added memories of many a “mercy cast away” are very ready to contribute.  Am I in this repining?  I hope not; for every day brings fresh cause to acknowledge that because my enemies, though lively and strong, “do not quite triumph over me,” therefore I may still trust that He favoreth me.  It is seldom that I write or speak in this way of myself.  May we learn more and more of the utter insufficiency of any earthly thing, or of any power of our own to do what is essential for our salvation, and then, when we hang solely and entirely on the Lord Jesus, we shall be safe.  Of this I feel no doubt or fear:—­the fear is of having confidence in any thing besides, of spiritual pride, of self-sufficiency.  Yes, I find self has many lives, and the very sorrows and humiliations of one day, if we do not beware, may become the idols of the next.  “We have eaten and drunk in thy presence:”  can such a language ever be used in vain-glory, while we remember “the wormwood and the gall,” which we now see to have been administered in fulfilment of His own words, “Ye shall indeed drink of my cup”?  Indeed, it seems to me that nothing is too high, too good, or too pure for Satan to make use of, if he can but get us and it into his hands.  May the Lord be pleased to rebuke this devourer for our sakes, and give at length to the often-desponding heart to know that Himself hath promised, “when the wicked are cut off, thou shalt see it,” and that the “God of peace shall bruise Satan under our feet.”

  12th Mo. 4th To the same.