FURTHER DIAGNOSIS

Doctor Marmion, of New York, was greatly drawn toward his young patient at the Monastery, and as he saw him daily wasting away, he concluded that something more than medicine was needed to save his life.  The secretary still dragged himself through each day’s work, spending the evening in his room with Tom.  The day after the doctor’s arrival the second time, Tom being in school and Bishop Albertson away, he found himself in the office alone with Carl.  He had hardly hoped for so early an opportunity to interview his interesting patient.  But taking advantage of the opportunity, exclaimed: 

“Well, Carl, you have improved, I hope, since I was here?”

“I fear there has not been much improvement in my physical condition; nor do I much expect any; and, really, to tell you the truth, Doctor, I am almost wishing for the end,” was the young man’s reply.

“Carl,” said Dr. Marmion in earnest tones, “if you would give me your confidence, I feel sure that I could help you, and I will be candid with you.  If you don’t give that confidence to someone, it will only be the worse for you.  Disease is not the only thing that kills.”

“Doctor,” was the quiet reply, “I sincerely thank you for the interest you take in me, but really your words give me pleasure instead of anxiety.  Truly, it is not unpleasant to be warned that I have no assurance of life.  I have nothing to live for.  My life is wrecked, and I have not a friend in the world.  Why should I desire to prolong my life?”

“Carl,” said the doctor, “listen.  Everything you say springs from mistaken and blind selfishness.  Yours is the spirit of the suicide and coward; surely, this is unworthy of you.  And, besides, what you say is not true.  Your life is not wrecked, only as you determine to wreck it.  You say you have nothing to live for.  I know of no young man that has more to live for.  You foolishly and ungratefully say you haven’t a friend in the world.  You certainly know the contrary is true.  Everyone who knows you is your friend.  Is Bishop Albertson not your friend?  Is Tom not your friend?  Is that sweet young girl in the other part of the house, whom you have caused to give her innocent heart to you, not your friend?  By some mistake you have crippled your life.  But the good Lord, who pities his erring child, will help you to redeem and make it both useful and happy.  Bear with me, Carl, when I say, if you know that there is a way by which the usefulness and happiness of your life may be restored and redeemed, and you refuse to adopt it, you will be guilty of self-murder.  Forgive me for these seemingly harsh words.  God knows they are true, and my only plea for thus speaking them to you is my love for you.  I cannot refrain.”

Carl sat with drooping head and with tears coursing down his pale cheeks.  For a moment or two he sat silently sobbing; his whole frame was shaking, and looking up with a woebegone countenance, said:  “Doctor, let me come to your room tonight after chapel prayers.”