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Henley Regatta came off as arranged.  This is a peculiarity which is very striking in connection with this Royal fixture.  We are informed that several certainties were upset, but by whom and why has not been stated.  Candidly speaking, such a brutal method as “upsetting” consorts ill with the softer manners of our time.  On the Thames, too, it must be extraordinarily disagreeable.

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Mrs. WEEDLE, the Hon. Mrs. THREADBARE, and Lady FAWN, have joined the lately established Bureau for the Dissemination of Fashionable Friendships.  The Personal Advertising Department is now open, and is daily filled with a distinguished crowd of applicants.  Arrangements are in process of completion for supplying the deserving rich with cambric handkerchiefs, and imitation diamonds, at nominal prices.

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A well-known Actor has lately been deprived of his customary allowance of fat.  His loss of weight (in avoirdupois) has been computed at five-sixteenths of the integral cubit of a patent accumulator’s vertical boiling power, divided by the fractional resistance of a plate-glass window to a two-horse-power catapult.

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The weather has been variable, with cryptoconchoidal deflections of a solid reverberating isobar previously tested in a solution of zinc and soda-water.  This indicates cold weather in December next.

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Consols 1/50094th better.  Wheat in demand.  Jute firm.  Bank rate too fast to last.

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A Politician, whose name has been frequently mentioned during the late crisis, has stated it as his opinion that a temperance orator’s powers of persuasion are to a moral victory as a Prime Minister is to a willow-pattern dinner-plate.  The remark caused much excitement in the lobby, where this gentleman’s humorous sallies never lack appreciators.

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What is this I hear of a certain Noble Duke, well-known in sporting circles, having accepted a three months’ engagement to appear in a “comic character sketch of his own composition,” at a long-established East End-Music Hall?  If there is any truth in the rumour, I should like to ask what the Duchess has been about?

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A distinguished Oxford Mathematical Professor has, just after prolonged and patient research, established the undoubted certainty of the following interesting facts beyond any possible question or controversy:—­That the quantity of Almond Rock Hard Bake, consumed in the United Kingdom in the year terminating on the 15th of May last, amounted to 17 lbs. 9 oz. for each member of the population, including women and children.  That if at all the old and discarded Chimney Pot Hats for a like period were collected in a heap, and packed closely together, they would fill a building twice the height of St. Paul’s, and three times the length of the Crystal Palace.  That winners of the Derby who have become eventually four-wheeler cab-horses are ninety-six in number, but that there is only one authentic instance of a four-wheeler cab-horse having become a Derby winner.