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[Illustration:  LAT. 60 deg. 8’ N. LONG. 4 deg. 30’ E.

Mr. Punch en route for the Midnight Sun.  First glimpse of Norway.]

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“THE CUP THAT CHE-(HIC)-ERS!”

The Total Abstainer staggered to his feet.  The room seemed to be waltzing round him, and his legs acted independently of each other.  One of those legs tried to walk to the right, whilst the other moved to the left!  He looked in the mirror and saw a double reflection!  He had two noses, a couple of mouths, four eyes, and countless whiskers.  This made him merry, and he laughed in very glee.  But only for a while!  Soon he became utterly depressed.  Then his head ached—­horribly!  He tried to sleep—­he could not!  “Never too late—­to MENDAL!” he gasped out, uttering in his extreme agitation the name of a Physician of Berlin who had made inebriety a special study.

Then his muscles became weak and trembling, his aversion to labour increased, and he had scarcely the energy or power to observe that his complexion (in patches) was ruddier than the cherry.

“Alas!” he sighed, and he succumbed permanently to persistent dyspepsia!

And what was the cause of this unfortunate, this terrible condition?  Sad to say, the question was easily answered.  The Total Abstainer had taken a drop too much—­of Coffee!

* * * * *

CATCHING;

OR, HOW FAR WILL IT GO?

(BEING A FORECAST OF THE SPREAD OF THE STRIKE FEVER, FROM A NEXT
WEEK’S DIARY.)

Wednesday.—­All the Police, having now been replaced by Amateur Special Constables, who are as yet unfamiliar with their duties, the position of the Metropolitan Magistrates becomes impossible, and they resign in a body at five minutes’ notice, causing the greatest consternation in signalling their resignation by sending every case on the charge-sheet that morning for trial to a superior Court.

Thursday.—­The Judges, overwhelmed by the prospect of an unusual and quite impossible amount of extra work, demand the increase of their salaries to L10,000 per annum.  On this being categorically refused by the Treasury, they then and there, on their respective Benches, severally tear off their wigs and robes, and quit their Courts “for good,” with threatening gestures.

Friday.—­The LORD CHANCELLOR, on being informed of the conduct of the Judges, rips open the Woolsack, scattering its contents over the floor of the House of Lords, and, denouncing the Government, throws up his post on the spot.  The legal business of the country, coming thus to a deadlock, is involved in further chaos by a sudden strike of all the Members of both the Senior and Junior Bars, which is further complicated by another of every Solicitor in the three kingdoms.