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TO PARENTS AND GUARDIANS,—­affectionate but practical-minded, and anxious to find economical homes (somewhere else) for young gentlemen who cannot get on without expensive assistance at starting in Mother country, owing to excessive competition in laborious and over-crowded professions.  A firm of enterprising Agents offer bracing and profitable occupation (coupled with the use gratis, of two broken spades, an old manure-cart, and an axe without a handle) in a peculiarly romantic and unhealthy district in the backwoods of West-Torrida.  Photograph, if desired, of Agent’s residence (distant several hundred miles away.) Excellent opening for young men fresh from first-class public school or college-life:  who should, of course, be prepared to “rough it” a little before making competence or large fortune, by delightful pursuit of agriculture.  No restrictive civilisation.  No drains.  Excellent supply of water and heavy floods as a rule, during three months of year, bringing on Spring crops without expense of irrigation.  Very low death-rate, most of population having recently cleared out.  Small village and (horse)-doctor within twenty-five miles’ ride.  Wild and beautiful country.  Every incentive to work.  Rare poisonous reptiles, and tarantula spiders, most interesting to young observant naturalist.  Capital prospect—­great saving offered to careful parents anxious to set up brougham, or increase private expenses.  Five boys (reduction on taking a quantity) disposed of for about L250 and outfit, with probably, no further trouble.—­Address, Messrs. SHARKEY AND CRIMPIN, Colonial and Emigration Agents. &c.

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CONCERTS!  CONCERTS!—­Amateur Comic Vocalist and impromptu “Vamper” (gentleman born) of several years’ experience in best London Society, is anxious to meet with bold and speculative Manager who will offer him a first engagement.  Can sing—­omitting a few high notes—­various popular melodies, comprising, “Aunt Sarah’s Back-hair,” “The Twopenny Toff of ’Ighgate ’Ill,” and “Tommy Robinson’s Last Cigar,” and also play piano if required, with one finger, but prefers to be accompanied by indefatigable friend, who plays entirely by ear, and if allowed to smoke freely, can “pick up” any tune in a quarter of an hour.  Seldom breaks down or forgets words, except before large or unsympathetic audience.  Fetching comic “biz,” and superlative Music-hall “chic.”  Would have no objection to black face and appear at evening parties, or in fashionable streets, with banjo (if provided with small police escort.) Testimonials from several highly respectable relatives, now in asylum, or under treatment at seaside.—­Address, with terms, the Hon. ALGERNON BRASSLEIGH CHEEKINGTON (or at Chimpanzee Chambers in Piccadilly, W.)

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SUGGESTION FOR REFORM IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS’ SYSTEM.—­“Absence” should be called immediately after dinner, and then each boy, instead of saying, “Here, Sir!” could reply, classically and correctly, “Adsum!” Yours truly, AN OVER-ETON BOY.