“Sir,” said OLD MORALITY, “I have indicated the views of the Government as to the Land Purchase Bill, according as those views are held at the present time.” (Cheers from the Ministerialists.) Encouraged by this applause, and, happy thought striking him, went on:  “But it is impossible for the Government to say what circumstances may occur to qualify those views.”

Once more Opposition break into storm of laughter; OLD MORALITY again regards them with dubious questioning gaze.

“Curious thing, TOBY,” he said to me afterwards, “those fellows opposite always laugh when I drop in my most diplomatic sentences.  It’s very well for MACHIAVELLI that he didn’t live in these times, and lead House of Commons instead of the Government of the Florentine Republic.  He would never have opened his mouth without those Radicals and Irishmen going off into a fit of laughter.”

Business done.—­Announcement that business won’t be done.

Friday.—­Still harping on Irish Votes.  Want to dock Prince ARTHUR’S salary.  SWIFT MACNEILL brought down model of battering-ram used at Falcarragh; holds it up; shows it in working order; Committee much interested; inclined to encourage this sort of thing; pleasant interlude in monotony of denunciation of Prince ARTHUR and all his works; no knowing what developments may not be in store; the other night had magic-lantern performance just off Terrace; that all very well on fine night; but when it’s raining must keep indoors and battering-ram suitable for indoor exhibition.

HAVELOCK wanted to borrow it, says he would like to show SCHWANN how it works; but MACNEILL couldn’t spare it till Irish Votes through.

New turn given to Debate by plaintive declaration from JOHN DILLON that he has “never been shadowed.”  “A difficult lot to deal with,” says ARTHUR, gazing curiously at the Shadowless Man.  “If they are shadowed, they protest; if they’re not, they repine.”

Business done.—­Irish Votes in Committee.

* * * * *

MR. PUNCH’S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES.

AT THE ACADEMY SOIREE.

“How well your Picture bears the artificial light!” i.e., “Couldn’t look worse than it does by daylight.”

“Mustn’t keep you on the stairs.  Such heaps of your friends asking for you upstairs;” i.e., “Got rid of him, thank goodness!”

“Here you are at last!  Been dodging you from room to room!” i.e., “To keep out of your way.  Caught at last, worse luck!”

“You look as if you had just stepped out of a picture-frame!” i.e., “Wish you’d step back into one!”

“Not seen Mr. O’Kew’s picture?  You must see it.  Only three rooms from here, and no crowd there now.  So go and bring me back word what you think;” i.e., “Now to flee!”