occasion, quite suddenly, “that the two are waiting for me somewhere, and that they understand; and my hope is that when I am freed from this vile body I shall be different—­perhaps worthy of their love; it is all within me somewhere, though I cannot get at it.  Don’t think of me,” he said, turning to me, “as a very brutal person.  I have tried my best; but I think that the capacity for real feeling has been denied me.”

It is a very puzzling episode; what I feel is that though we always recognise the limitations of people physically and mentally, we do not sufficiently recognise the moral and emotional limitations.  We think of the will as a dominant factor in people’s lives, as a thing that we can all make use of if we choose; we forget that it is just as strictly limited and conditioned as all our other faculties.

XXXIX

I have an acquaintance at Cambridge, John Meyrick by name, who visits me here at intervals, and is to me an object of curious interest.  He is a Fellow and Lecturer of his College.  He came up there on a scholarship from a small school.  He worked hard; he was a moderate oar; he did not make many friends, but he was greatly respected for a sort of quiet directness and common-sense.  He never put himself forward, but when it fell to him to do anything he did it with confidence and discretion.  He had an excellent head for business, and was Secretary or Treasurer of most of the College institutions.  After taking an excellent degree he was elected to a Fellowship.  He took advantage of this to go abroad for a year to Germany, and returned a first-rate German scholar, with a considerable knowledge of German methods of education; and was shortly afterwards given a lectureship.  I believe he is one of the best lecturers in the place; he knows his subject, and keeps abreast of it.  He is extraordinarily clear, lucid, and decisive in statement, and though he is an advanced scholar, he is an extremely practical one.  His men always do well.  I made his acquaintance over a piece of business, and found him friendly and pleasant.  He is fond of taking long, solitary walks on Sunday, as he seldom has time for exercise in the week; and I asked him to come over and see me; he walked from Cambridge one morning, arriving for luncheon, and I accompanied him part of the way back in the afternoon.  Since that time he generally comes over once or twice a term.  I do not quite know his object in doing this, because I always feel that he has a sort of polite contempt for my ways of life and habits of thought; but it makes a good goal for a long walk, and, moreover, he likes to know different types of people.

He is now about forty-five.  In appearance he is trim and small, and gives the impression of being, so to speak, in first-rate training.  He has a firm, pale face, of which the only distinction is that it has a look of quiet strength and self-confidence.  He has rather thick dark hair, and a close-cropped beard, sprinkled with grey; strong, ugly hands, and serviceable feet.  His dress is precise and deliberate, but in no particular fashion.  He wears a rather stiff dark suit, low collars, a black tie, a soft black hat, and strong elastic-sided boots.  If one met him in the road, one would think him a Board-School Master.